From My Perspective

First Thing They Gotta Do to Win? Learn to Lose!

2010-03-02T21:28:00.004-05:00

Is you’re a child a good loser?

Think about it.
This is important.

Learning how to lose prepares one for success.

Pick a truly successful person, look into their lives, you will likely find the following to be true:

1. They aren’t afraid of being wrong or of ‘losing,’ enabling them to take risks, or try new and unique ideas.
2. When they do lose, they have the ability to learn and grow from their experience; identifying what they can do better next time.
3. When defeated, they are able to see and admire their opponent’s skills objectively and strive to incorporate how their opponents bested them.
4. They are willing to ‘lose’ fans, admirers or supporters by going against the grain, following their instincts with confidence.
5. After being defeated they don’t play the blame game, they don’t feel the need to offer excuses, because they know ultimately it is up to them, what is needed to turn the defeat around is inside of them.

How does this apply to our children’s lives?

1. Are your kids willing to raise their hand in class and participate, offering their perspective, not being muted into silence by being afraid of being wrong.
2. After receiving a bad grade on an exam they prepared weeks prior, can they look inside and see how they could modify their studying process for the next exam. Will they read the red pen comments and make note on how to incorporate what is being suggested, how to fix what has been circled the next time?
3. After running for, and not winning a student government position, do they trash their opponent? Or, can they agree, their opponent’s posters were better, or their speech was more concise, etc.,
4. In peer pressure situations are they able to rise above the pressure and remain true to their convictions, following their instincts on what is right?
5. They don’t come off the field blaming a loss on the referee, poor conditions of the field, their sore toe, or having stale toast for breakfast.

From my perspective, those who have learned how to fail, to lose the game, and to be wrong at times, are those who will achieve, excel and be successful.

Make Sure Your Kids Know Whats 'Behind' the Dotted Line

2010-02-28T23:27:00.000-05:00

How prepared are your children when it comes to the daily financial decisions an independent person makes on a daily basis?

Parents, think back to what you've done the last week. Possibly paid the mortgage, balanced your check book, filled out FAFSA forms, or worked on your taxes? How much calculus or geometery was needed to complete any of these items?

The majority of high schools do not require personal finance classes to graduate, nor offer classes in personal finance.

How many students take on loans in order to attend college, not truly understanding what is involved in the re-payment. In their determination to go to college, they sign away not realizing all that comes with being indebted.

I'm not saying student loans are bad. I am saying that signing a loan, lease agreement, mortgage, or any financial document without having learned the math - before signing on the dotted line.

How many young people are going to start their 'adult lives' indebted without knowing exactly how they got there, nor the best way to get out from under it.

Knowing the basics of personal finance is important skill set to have in order to be able to make the transition from living with their parents to living on their own. Understanding exactly what their personal debt/income ratio or the value in budgeting and planning for their financial obligations is too important to not be properly prepared for.

Credit cards are given out like candy, with the details of the relationship in ultra fine print. They are too easy to rely on - often during the very circumstances one shouldn't use credit for, and perhaps should do without. With readily available credit, it makes it too easy to be impulsive in their purchases, especially if they don't have the knowledge that would enlighten them as to why they should NOT charge what they can't afford.

If your school system isn't providing this class, then perhaps you should at home. Open the door to those 'grown up' financial discussions and invite your fledgling adult in to listen and learn. Show them the skills they need to spread their wings on their own successfully.

From my perspective, we teach them to look both ways before crossing the road, we should teach them to look behind the fine print and know what their signing.

Reading Is Fundamental | Reading Is Fundamental® Grassroots Action Center

2010-02-19T22:46:00.003-05:00

Reading Is Fundamental Reading Is Fundamental® Grassroots Action Center

Reading is Fundamental, or "RIF," one of our nation's largest children's literacy programs may not be around for our children for long.

The work they do enables children, who can't afford to buy books, to bring home and keep, a book of their own. For years R.I.F.'s programs have opened children's eyes to adventures waiting to be taken through reading. With R.I.F.'s help, children living in sad and stressful enviornments discover the joy in losing themselves in a book.

Unfortunately, President Obama's proposed budget for FY 2011 includes eliminating RIF's federal funding, not reduced or merely cut back, but ELIMINATING.

If you've ever enjoyed a quiet moment on the couch cuddling your child, while reading a book, please help other, less advantaged parent's enjoy a moment like that and click here to send an email to your local representatives telling them the importance of speaking out on behalf of the 4 million plus children who benefit from this program.

Can each of us, sending an email and forwarding a link - make a difference? YES WE CAN!

From my perspective, continuing federal funding in Reading is Fundamental is an investment made in the youth of today, and potential leaders of tomorrow.

Justin's Quest

2010-02-11T08:47:00.000-05:00

With his parent's love and support, 13 year old Justin manages to find a reason for his recent diagnosis - an inoperable brain tumor, "God knew I could beat it" and "I need to find a cure so other kids, less fortunate than me, won't have to experience what I'm going through."

Justin is quite simply, an extraordinary 13 year-old boy. With drive and determination that set him apart from most teens, Justins decided his response to this devastating diagnosis is to find a cure for brain tumors.

Justin intends to make 40,000 baskets

representing the 40,000 people who die from

Brain Tumors every year.

Justin’s Quest begins here: Please consider helping this incredibly courageous young man reach his goal. Here is a child, who even though he is facing the hardest thing in his life he could ever imagine, he manages to think more of the 'greater good' than of himself.

From My Perspective, Justin's response to this disease truly defined who he is as a person: a courageous, strong and determined leader, one who has my complete respect and admiration.

Lessons Learned from Childrens National Medical Center, Washington DC

2010-02-04T00:05:00.012-05:00

Why a "well oiled machine run so well."

Monday evening the sharp squeeks of sneakers moving, girls shouting and parents clapping came to a sudden stop, as did my heart, the moment I saw my daughter brought down hard in a battle for the basket ball, and heard the dull thud of her head hitting the hard wood floor.

In that moment, time was frozen in silence. Suddenly I was on the floor and holding her hand and coaxing my evervescent, bubbly and talkative 14 year old to open her eyes and please talk to me.

Suddenly letting go of my hand, she lost consciousnes, and everything else blurred: EMT's loading her in an ambulance, following in a daze, in the ambulance, cringing at her jolting awake, gagging from the smelling salts. Like a soundtrack in a move, I heard the dreamy background whine of the sirens while the driver sliced right through rush hour traffic, delivering us to the hospital in what felt like 5 minutes and at the same time, like 5 hours.

The second the doors opened at Children's they were there, ready and anticipating our arrival, and I felt as though we had cleared a hurdle. I was met by a nurse who immediately linked me to a social services team member would be my liason throughout the trauma room experience. Once in the trauma room, she explained that she was there to answer any questions as needed regarding what was being done to help my daughter.

As I witnessed, first hand, the 7 or 8 members of the trauma team working in concert, I felt the first wisps of 'everything will be okay.'

I was both amazed and impressed at how each member diligently worked with a specific and fine tuned purpose, yet different from those working beside them. At the same time, each member of the team was ultimately working towards a common goal - healing my daughter.

Like a well oiled machine with numerous moving parts, the entire team was focused on identifying the severity of my daughter's injury and doing whatever it took to fix what was going on.

The large, stop-watch type digital clock on the wall, started on her arrival, told me in 24 minutes she had been completly assessed, de-clothed and robed, IV inserted, oxygen hissing and assisting her breathing and she was on her way to radiology and a CT.

15 minutes later, in an ER slot, the soft hum and beeps reassured me my daughter was well monitored and anything that could happen would trigger an immediate alert to the trauma team and a speedy return to her room.

We were informed of what the CT revealed and asked if we had any questions. Once again on route, we were escorted behind my daughter's stretcher to her room for the night.

A med tech arrived and introduced herself, quickly and quietly took our daughter's vitals, all while politely explaining the room, where things were and how things worked. She then introduced my daughter's nurse for the evening. Like the next member of a relay team, Pam our nurse for the night, took the baton and continued with explaining what would happen throughout the evening and why it was needed.

Sheets and blankets appeared on the couch next to the bed, so I could stay with my daughter throughout the evening. Down the hall, in the patient's family waiting room there were computers and parents on line paying bills, or updating their relatives on their child's status. Vending machines provided healthy food choices for families 24 hours a day. Microwaves are available to heat food packed at home. Comfy couches for the exhausted to have a break, tables and chairs for a sibling doing homework, but able to be close to their ailing brother or sister.

On the way back to my daughter's room, something was missing - and it hit me. Where was the all important "nurses station?" It had been replaced with efficient looking work stations between rooms. Instead of running back and forth alternating between entering information and caring for patients, any member of the team that supported your child need only step outside to update and pop back in as needed.

Walking those halls I was conscious of how grateful and lucky I was. My daughter was injured, but would be walking out of that hospital the very next day, confident she would soon be playing basketball, volleyball or lacrosse again after healing.

The majority of the Children's patients and families spend too many weeks or months there, battling tenacious, incideous diseases.

As they jiggled their babies walking the halls, fed their toddler in a crib type hospital bed or pulled their youngsters in bright red wagons provided by the hospital to the next room or therapy, I know I saw gratitude on those parent's faces.

If I were in their shoes, I would be grateful too. I would be thankful I was in a hospital that took the time and effort to study and research how they could best help families in these situations. I would be relieved to be in a place that strived to make the journey a little easier for those struggling with, and overwhelmed by, a disease that crept into their lives by invading their child's body.

From a business perspective everything made sense to me too. It must be much easier to work with a well rested and informed parent who didn't feel cut off from everything going on with their child's health.

I believe the positive attitude of their staff, rubs off on the patients and families, which in turn, re-inspires the staff. The level of communication between every staff member I came in touch with was incredible. Walking through the halls I can't think of a time I passed someone with a bear on their shirt that didn't say hello or good morning.

There are many lessons to be learned from Childrens National Medical Center, ones that apply anywhere in life, your family, business, and friendships.

Children's National Medical Center recognizes the importance of feeling a part of the process, being communicated to in a direct and honest fashion, knowing the roles of all those involved, feeling welcomed, being provided the tools to do what you need to do, and ultimately, knowing someone understands, and there is a place to rest when it all gets a bit overwhelming.

From my perspective, I never want my daughter to be injured like that again, but if it happens, I know I am very lucky and grateful we live near the Children's National Medical Center.

Blow Dryers and Helicopters

2010-01-31T20:41:00.015-05:00

Lessons learned - from the new mom to helicopter parents.

After our first son was born; the nurse came to our room, assuming she should take the baby out of the room while I blow-dried my hair. Looking down at my son and glancing skeptically at the blow-dryer, I replied, ‘why?’ then quickly adding, “I do this at home too, he might as well get used to it.”

Our fervent desire to protect our children needs to be balanced. We need to be conscious of what we’re protecting them from. Otherwise our children grow up in a bubble, separated from the realities of life, not learning how to respond to failure or frustration. How will they know how to accept defeat graciously or win with humility if they aren’t ‘allowed’ to fail? How do they learn to recover, if they never have anything to recover from?

Some parents morph into ‘helicopter’ parents, they constantly hover. They swoop in and protect before any harm or foul. These choppers land stocked with accusations, reasons and excuses; whatever’s needed to prevent the sting.

Sadly, they’re preventing their child from learning to grow from the experience. Their children miss learning that basic physics lesson in life: ‘for every action, there is a re-reaction.’

Hair dryers blow when naps are needed, tests studied for aren’t always passed, and team rosters won’t always have their name. These things happen. Our children will make many bad choices along the way. People get hurt. No one is perfect, their stumbles, and the lessons learned in picking themselves up are worth the tears and fears in the moment.

Jabbing a fork in a plug absolutely requires our immediate and speedy intervention.

Being passed over for the dodge ball team, does not.

Loving and supporting them, walking with them through the repercussions of their actions - always.

From my perspective, protecting children from every little thing isn’t protection. Doing this teaches kids to spend their lives avoiding any chance of failure, pain or making a mistake, which is an exhausting endeavor and destined to fail. Unfortunately, when failure does happen, they won’t know what hit them.

Take 2 minutes to take a brief survey, it well help my collecting data on various parenting styles.

Click here to take survey

Playground Bullies have Morphed into our Worst Nightmare

2009-10-15T07:21:00.004-04:00

Michael Brewer, a 15 year old boy from Deerfield Beach, Florida, was purposely set on fire by several classmates between 13 and 15 years old. When classmates tried to steel his father's bike from him, he didn't threaten the kids, he didn't spread viral, internet rumors about them, Michael Brewer responded in an appropriate manner, filing a report with the police. He 'followed the rules' of society. Sadly, Michael's mature response to having his property threatened was the catalyst to his being in an incubated and painful state in a hopsital bed. Every school has had the challenge of dealing with 'bullies.' Kids who can't express their feelings verbally and resorted to pushing and shoving in line or pushing down a kid on the playground when they lost the game. Or the lunchroom bully, someone who didn't have as much as others, and vents their frustrations and jelousy by taking food from those less vocal. Watching the evening news, could make a parent nostalgic for those days; when a parent's worst fear was their child would miss the bus, or a schoolmate behave hurtfully towards their child. Five teenage boys, the youngest barely a teen at 13, targeted Michael; they called him a snitch. These boys plotted, planned and attacked Michael by dousing Michael with rubbing alcohol and setingt him on fire! If this horrific scene was that of a movie, it would be labled at a minimum, 'PG-13' or probably 'R' for violence. These ratings established to protect our youth from being exposed to such violence. Only in this case, it's the 13 to 15 year olds executing this firestorm of violence. In the flick of a match how many lives ended? Probably too many to count. Michael's life, in jepordy as he battles back from the burns covering his body. His mother's life will never be the same. Mom now has the burden of seeing her scarred son, no longer who he was before that day. Michael's family will incur an incredible amount of debt in hospital bills. The round the clock he will require in his healing, will take his mother away from his sister. Simultaneously dealing with her own tornado of emotions, mom will be helping her son through the pain and confusion of what happened, and supporting her daughter who is probably just as confused, angry and hurting over the event. The five accused? Their lives as they knew them are over, their parents, their families - all these lives affected by the insanely violent acts of their children. Will this community lose trust in those around them? Will they pull their kids closer to them, and try to shield them from the violence in the world - creating an even more segmented and segregated population? Obviously society has lost it's way. Our children, cliche as this is, are the future. Our future doesn't look bright, if this incident represents children of today, our future is a dark storm brewing, and teeming with those who have never been told 'NO,' who weren't given the opportunity to learn how to lose with dignity, children who have never felt like they belonged, kids who haven't been held accountable, and were cheated the gifts of humility, empathy and justice. How did these children go 13, or 15 years on this earth and come to the conclusion that attacking a boy with fire was the solution to their problem? Where were the parents of these angry boys? Michael's parent was with him, offering love and support to his fear of bullies, going through the 'right' channels at school to work out a strategy on how to deal with bullies. Where was the school leadership? If Michael's mom was making all the right calls to the appropriate people at school, why wasn't the school making the calls immediately to the homes of those boys. Why weren't they there making sure the boys weren't allowed to interact with Michael - or any other students for that matter? I once read the line, "it is a hungry man who starts a revolution." When I read that, many things that had been very confusing and I grappled with to understand, suddenly made sense. Perhaps these boys were hungry, or in this case starving, for the love and affection that makes a parent say "no," or have the strength to teach their child a tough lessons early on in life. Maybe these boys were starving for their community to accept them and guide them on what is right and wrong. They've probably always been hungry for the confidence of knowing who you are and being proud of yourself. I can't picture 5 boys not growing up hungry for love and attention lighting another boy on fire. Actually, I can't see those boys trying to take a bike; because those boys would have known better -- and it never would have escalated to this magnitude of violence. From my perspective, from day one, parents need to feed their children with love and compassion and empathy for those around them. By dousing their children's hunger to belong, they are dousing the fires of the future.

Children are Born Negotiators

2009-07-12T14:28:00.007-04:00

Kids of all ages have an innate and natural talent for negotiating to get what they want. From three year-olds wrangling for later bedtimes, to teenagers rattling off reasons to stay out late, they all have something in common - the overwhelming drive to say whatever it takes to get what they want. Sometimes, in our efforts to be the parent who listens and shows their child respect by taking into consideration their child's perspective, we allow ourselves to get get wrapped up in the dance, and lose our parental position in the process. The rules of engagement that apply to parenting three year-olds are just as valid when parenting seventeen year olds.

I believe it is possible to hear out a child, be respectful of their words and perspective, without losing our point.

We told our three year old we understood he wasn't sleepy, while reminding him that he knows, in our family, when it's bed time we stay in our room, in our bed quietly, and we rest. When his rapid fire requests for a cup of milk, or a movie, or one more book, etc., begin, the second we gave in and allowed the negotiation to affect our firmly stated decision, we lost our position.

Doing so, we only undermine ourselves and our child's good night sleep. 14 years later, our commitment as parents to stay out of the 'dance,' is just as important!

Our three year old, now 17 years old, has only gotten better in creatively twisting our logic int0 knots, until (in his mind), it supports whatever he really wants. On our good days, we respond to this behavior with the same thing we told him when he was three.

We acknowledge his position and desire, then immediately follow up with our firm re-statement of how this request is handled in our household, under our rules.

From my perspective, it's always been the times we didn't stay firm and allowed ourselves to get drawn in (kids are good, don't think they aren't) to the dance, and away from our position, that things blew up beyond what was warranted and caused more heartache and frustration than any of the times we presented a united parental front and maintained the rules we have already established and held all accountable to.

Not to say there isn't a time for compromise - just be aware and firm in your convictions - and even with a compromise accountability and agreement among the stakeholders of what and what will and won't be acceptable is absolutely necessary.

We are our children's parents, not their best friends. Be loving and have empathy, but never lose your backbone!

Giving in, doesn't give much to your child, except the immediate gratification rush - which never really fulfills, and only leaves them hungry for more, and more! Our children learning to live within their boundaries and respect what is required of them.... that is what they need, they just might not know it yet.

DC Suburb Middle School Embraces Twitter to Communicate to Parents!

2009-06-17T12:17:00.011-04:00

Rockville, MD. June 17th, 2009. Redland Middle School . Principal, Robert Sinclair announced today, via his email distribution list to parents, the school's new utilization of Twitter as an additional communications tool to reach out to parents and school community members as needed. For those of you not already enjoying the big buzz of connecting via Twitter, is a free, social messaging utility for staying connected in real-time.

When asked, Why Twitter? Mr. Sinclair responded, "My reasoning is to get more parents more actively involved in their children’s education and to inform parents about what is going on and how they can play a more prominent role in their child’s education."

Mostly known and used in Social Media Marketing circles, Twitter is quickly becoming more accepted by "traditional" press, advertising, customer service departments, customer feedback, and plain 'ole socializing! And now it appears, schools!

So, "two thumbs up" to Robert Sinclair; his commitment to effective distribution of information as accurately and efficiently as possible, and his equally tenacious efforts in collecting community feedback, input and suggestions.

Already appreciated for his use of technology to keep connected, including: 'Friday wrap up the week' Emails, Yahoo Distribution list, (providing parents with the morning announcements and more), auto caller for absentee student confirmations and important reminders, automated teacher grade books for parental viewing and more, his addition of Twitter to his communication arsenal reveals he is a principal willing to think out of the box and use multiple tools, to reach multiple people, via multiple preferred ways of communication!

From My Perspective: Principals embracing Twitter are Principals who are committed to connecting and communicating with their school's community! A community of parents in the know, are much more involved and active in both their student's lives and school activities - and that... ladies and gentlemen, lays the groundwork for our children to become adults who are committed and involved members of their communitites! ... and this is a good thing.

Alice's Palace - Extended Family Love

2009-06-14T13:13:00.010-04:00

Many families today just don't embrace, or know their extended families. I'm always shocked when I hear kids talk about a grandparent they have only met once or twice in their lives, yet their grandparents are still alive and well.

Growing up, events involving extended family were always something I looked forward to, thoroughly enjoyed, and are my most cherished childhood memories.

Gandmother Alice went to great lengths to make sure her children, and her children's children understood and appreciated what an incredible gift we all are to each other. I am the youngest of Alice's 18 grandchildren; ranging in age from 45 to 56. My father's three sisters are all special to me, each for unique reasons. Their children are just as much my friends as they are my cousins.

Alice criss-crossed the country for graduations, weddings, births, tragedies and celebrations.

Alice was happy anytime more than one of her chicks were in her presence. Her gift to us each year was a week at the beach for a family reunion. Those summer days on the ocean's edge were the highlights of my childhood. I even planned my wedding around the date of the reunion so more of my family could be there.

With time, our reunion came to be known as "Alice's Palace" we have t-shirts, jackets and visors, all imprinted with Alice's Palace, and wear them proudly. The block we stay on for that week, knows our group well!

To this day, if anyone mentions Alice Palace, we all know whatever they are referring to has something to do with family presence, food, drink and fun.

Yesterday, I spent the day enjoying a 'satellite' version of Alice's Palace on my cousin's river deck. In Alice's memory, and in celebration of numerous family birthdays, accomplishments and good news, we gathered:

All four of Alice's children: aged 76 to 86
Eight of Alice's grandchildren (plus spouses)
Twelve of Alice's great grandchildren (plus spouses)
Three of Alice's great, great grandchildren
One great grandchild attending via proxy of his mom: (due in October)

Plus assorted close family friends.

Seeing my children enjoying their cousins company, interacting with my dad's siblings, helping and playing with cousins babies and overall having a good time, all in the company of family had me beaming and grinning all day. It's better than any material thing my children could ever give me.

My teenagers were generous with their time and their presence; they obviously enjoyed being in the presence of their extended family and my family enjoyed their presence.

As I walked down the stairs the melody of happy voices interacting, sparked with laughter and hugs and "oh mys" filled my very being with happiness. Looking down and witnessing all of this, I knew in my heart, so too was Alice's presence among us.

I knew Alice was right there with us, teasing, joking, eating, laughing and loving. The reason we were were all assembled was the same reason we gather annually together on the beach, the same reason we toast Alice at every family event.

Alice, in her wisdom, loved us enough to make certain we knew and appreciated the joys of both giving and receiving..... family love.

FREE STUFF - Texas Roadhouse

2009-06-12T09:23:00.004-04:00

Texas Roadhouse FREE Appetizer: w/Adult entree purchase. Sounds like an excuse for a mom and dad DATENIGHT to me. Get 'em while their hot - Valid through June 30th. Click on over to one of my fave sites, Coupon Divas for the coupon! From My Perspective - we could all use more date nights!

When You Name Your Babies - Please Think First!

2009-06-11T16:13:00.006-04:00

These kids have to fill out school forms, fill out their first job application, write resumes, register for college, get their marriage certificates with their names. ALL WITH THE NAME YOU SADDLE THEM WITH. For instance,how would you pronounce this child's name?

"Le-a"

Leah??

Lee - A??

NOPE

Lay - a??

Lei??

Guess Again This child attends a school in Detroit, MI.. Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong. It's pronounced "Ledasha", When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent." SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash. If they axe you why, tell them the dash don't be silent. Come on people! Yes, this is completely, very un "PC" - it's just because it is funny.

They Didn't Have This When I Was Having Babies! - Chic&Cozy Blanket Bag

2009-06-10T22:41:00.008-04:00

I've just discovered my new favorite Baby Shower and/or Welcome Baby Gift! This fashionable "blanket bag" called the Chic&Cozy made by ChicTots is beautifully made, durable, washable and so well designed and thought out, you just know a mom must have designed it!

And she did! Michele Good, designer and "Chief Mom" over at ChicTots, nursed this idea in addition to other way hip mom/baby accessories from conception to distribution! Momprenuership at its best!

The Chic&Cozy is such a clever product in it's uniqueness and simplicity at the same time. It doesn't look like anything I've seen before; yet it is not overworked or trying to be anything it isn't. It is simply an attractive, ergonomic, useful bag that converts to a clean, cuddly and cozy play blankie for baby.

The soft and inviting fuzzy lining of the blanket, paired with a choice of bright and fashionably patterned fabrics creates the "chic&cozy" factor. A drawstring on each side of the blanket transforms this chameleon of a product from blankie to a convenient tote type bag, complete with pockets on the inside to store smaller bits of gear.

I think back to how many times I held my kids and swayed back and forth as I waited either at an airport or a doctor's office, etc - not wanting to let the baby down because of the guck on the ground!

Frustrating thing is, Parent's magazine advertised this as being available at http://www.target.com/, and yet I searched all over the website to order one for my boss (who went into labor TODAY) - good luck JG!!

I pictured myself getting the call, finding out what she had and ordering the Chic&Cozy in the appropriate color mix as soon as I knew.

Dear Target, please don't advertise a hot new product and then not suppport me in my efforts to buy it!

But fear not, the Chictots Website: http://www.chictots.com/ has the listing of the 800 stores that are carrying the Chic& Cozy, and I've been assured it will be added to their web site soon. (If a few weeks is soon to you)! Me, I'll have to blow my carbon footprint and drive over to the Target instead of having it shipped to me.

You all however, will be able to order this on line shortly.

From my perspective, being able to give mom a super useful, yet chic and stylish gift, is giving her the best of both worlds!

Things That Make You Go Hmmm - George Carlin's Soft Side, Very Wise & Eloquent

2009-06-08T12:39:00.012-04:00

I find it ironic that George Carlin; the abrasive and at times raunchy and sarcastic comedian that he was, would write and espouse the eloquent and very wise words below to consider and reflect on. George left us almost a year ago this month, (May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008).

Take two seconds to read his brief yet crystal clear perception on life. Then share it round the dinner table, and see what you children have to add.

From my perspective - this is a great 'Family Dinner - Discussion Starter.' Guaranteed to inspire everyone at the table and at the same time, be tucked away in their mental "filters" for looking at life.

A Message by George Carlin

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...
Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
Remember, to say, ' I love you ' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again..
Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER,
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. ~ George Carlin (May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008)

Bravo George, Brave.

June 6th, 2009 the 65th Anniversary of D-day - Do Your Kids Know What D-day Is?

2009-06-06T19:32:00.009-04:00

Too many of us take our personal freedoms for granted and do not realize the price that was paid so we could be free to speak our mind, to worship as we desire, and to be free from fear of our government.

No, the freedom we enjoy today was not easily won, and it wasn't for free, too many people paid too high a price so we could live the lifestyles we live today.

The generation of men who fought that insurmountable battle on Dday so selflessly, won't be with us much longer to share first hand, their experiences that day, or during any battle in the war.

If your child has a grandparent or great grandparent alive that was old enough to remember the war, and the changes our country went through during that time, have them interview their grands, and better yet, tape their interview for their children's children.

No relatives alive from that era? Borrow one. It's just too important not do connect with that generation before they are gone or unable to remind us of the horrors of war, the horrendous loss of life, the sacrifices at home to support the war and everything else needed to be heard.

Memories fade much too quickly to give justice to the sacrifices made that day, to the sacrifices of an entire generation.

Any WWII vet that was involved in combat will usually be the first one to stand up and voice the many reasons our country should always, always try diplomacy and any other means necessary to avoid going to war.

This too, is an important life lesson for all of us to remember.

Children learning when they are children, how to get along with all walks of life are the children that grow up to be leaders, voters and civil servants working hard to get along with all walks of life of different nations, religions, colors and languages.

No matter a person's native language, we all speak the language of humanity. I challenge you to find any person, of any color, in any any free nation, that does not appreciate belonging, being loved, being valued and being free.

Those men who lost their lives, or changed their lives forever, did so for you, for me, and for all of our children to follow; they did this so all of us would have the freedoms we enjoy today, and will continue to enjoy tomorrow.

That is why you should have your children talk to those who were there. History is best learned in a first hand exchange between those who were there, and those who were not. The interaction of storytelling from one generation to another was, in a way, the first internet. The exchanging of information from one group to another.

That pivotal battle on Omaha Beach, D-day - June 6th, 1944 and the numerous conflicts that followed are the reason we can blog our opinions, march on the Mall in DC for the causes we believe in, write letters to the White House, and much, much more - all without any negative repercussions from our government. That doesn't happen everywhere, and our kids need to know this!

* If you really can't interview someone than go here for a start: listen, look and learn: http://www.army.mil/d-day/

Read Tom Brokaws The Greatest Generation

SEXTING - Happening More than Parents Want to Admit

2009-06-06T11:05:00.011-04:00

OMG is all I could think when I read NetLingo's "The Top 50 Acronyms Every Parent Needs to Know" ,

I had heard about '420' from my middle child. Not quite understanding how that was a reference to smoking pot, I asked and he laughingly replied, "cuz stoners are usually stoned each day by 4:20 in the afternoon." That was the moment I realized that I wasn't so hip as I thought. I had NEVER heard that.

In addition to the acronyms listed, I had heard about FWB, (not included on the list). FWB = Friends with Benefits. Basically meaning, we aren't going steady or anything, but we like to fool around together...

My moment of realization about FWB only made me think, OMG all over again. Has "Girls Lib" evolved to this? Do our young girls not want any 'strings' attached either? But then - hey, they still want to fool around too?

The very young of 11, 12 and 13 are sending pics of themselves that start out as very flirtatious and where they land nobody knows...

Do our young boys realize, when they receive a sexy, nude picture, the instant they forward it to friends, the state may attempt to charge him, for distribution of pornography,or other various, pornographic related charges.

This is all new territory. While I want the law to be clear and firm, a 13 year old boy who, in dis-belief at what he has received, forwards to a friend saying - WHOA, what the heck.. shouldn't be charged with pornography, should he? It's all very confusing, and new paths for parents to navigate. None of the parenting books I bought with my first positive pregnancy test addressed this!

Recently in a local middle school this whole naked pics being sent and received scenario played out; in the end the boy received a school suspension.

Ironically, the girl causing the uproar was not even taken out of class to discuss what had happened. (The sending and receiving both happened during school hours).

Shockingly, it was the girl who eventually walked into the school office complaining, "everyone is laughing at me cuz I texted my boobs."

Obviously, pre-teens, and young teens are not old enough, mature enough or logical enough to understand the impact of what they are doing.

Texting has taken the text book 'school hall flirting,' the old, "talking to a boy for the first time, stuttering and all" to a WHOLE NEW LEVEL.

When one of my son's couldn't believe I had deleted some questionable pics on his phone his one response was why am I all into his business, it is PRIVATE! I sat him down for a serious talk about several topics, including the LACK OF PRIVACY regarding ANYTHING on line, anywhere.

They don't get it. They don't see that once distributed, even to JUST ONE PERSON, they have LOST ALL control on that picture, that text, that attachment. No one can ever be confident they know for SURE where any and all references, copies, lift outs, anything - from that one distribution have gone to.

Sexting is defintely an issue among pre teens and up that needs to be addressed in a serious and thoughtful manner.

Once again, parental/child conversations, (not lectures), on self-worth and self-esteem can play a big part of stymying this dangerous teen trend.

Dinner table talk about the lack of thought that goes into such actions, pointing out the negative repricussions resulting for all involved, and mostly - how sad it is that kids feel the need to do THAT to feel included, wanted or "loved."

Parents Please - Be Aware, Be Involved, Be Vigilant, Be Vocal... and always, Be Loving!

Guidance done with love, always trumps lectures laced with itimidation and force.

Talk so your children will listen, and then, listen so your children will talk.

From my perspective, the attention seeking spontaeous wild moment of behavoir at a teen party, usually long forgotten within a week, well.... thats been replaced with things like sexting! Sexting can never be truly forgotten, because it can never be fully erased from the e-world we all now live in.

Inform Your Kids - Their Health Depends On It!

2009-05-31T12:50:00.007-04:00

Our kids need to be aware of the realities associated with sexual activity. They need to respect their bodies and self to know better than to throw themselves into a pool of opportunities that will put them in over their heads.

Warning - blog entry below falls under the 'uncomfortable topic' genre - Teenage Sexuality.

My husband and I have taught our children the importance of valuing their virginity, to have a strong sense of self-worth, and to resist the peer pressure associated with having pre-marital, casual sex.

That being said, I also know that my one guy in college is making choices of his own on a daily basis that could change his life in a heartbeat.

So why send our kids out into the big bad world uninformed?

Today's kids are pressured in more ways and more often, and much younger to have sex than I ever remembered in my high school and college days.

Perhaps presenting the cold hard facts associated with having indiscriminate sex to them would hit home.

For instance, not all teens realize that STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases) are diseases, infections or illnesses that spread from one person to another through sexual contact or sexual touching, to intercourse.

From some of my experiences working with teen groups, the large majority of them felt an STD only resulted from actual sexual intercourse.

The average teen in my group also thought that AIDS was the only STD that caused death. They did not understand that certain STDS left untreated, or incorrectly treated could cause very serious illnesses that can lead to death.

Some teens are familiar with the terms Syphilis, Gonorrhea and Chlamydia;all of them being STDs caused by a bacteria and can usually be treated with medication.

However, very few understand that left untreated can cause blindness, or their ability to have a child in the future. In one of my groups, only one teen in 14 knew that a girl living with one of these STD's could pass it on to to her baby during birth, and causing the newborn to be very ill. None of the kids knew that Syphilis not treated can result in death.

Hepatitis B - most of the teens thought this was a disease that only people outside of the US would get, because they had shots when they were a baby against Hepatitis. What they didn't realize is that it was passed through the simple act of kissing - let alone sexual contact or contact with a dirty needle. None of them realized there is no cure for the Hep B, only medications to help, nor how serious the disease is.

The topic of genital warts brought lots of snickering in the group. They stopped that quickly when I explained how quickly these warts multiply and how much this infection also multiples a woman's chance at cervical cancer.

Herpes also had a few laughing - saying that it wasn't that serious. More of an embarrassing thing than a health issue. Yet they didn't understand that there is no cure for it, and again, if a woman was 'active' during birth, could cause her newborn to be blind. Very few were aware that not all people know when they are "shedding" herpes and therefore could be passing it on to their partners and not even know it.

HIV - AIDS has definitely caught their attention and they did understand the ramifications of this horrible disease, yet they still continue to think - that it wouldn't ever affect their lives, because none of the participants in my group were gay.

It never occur ed to them that a girl they slept with, slept with a boy, who slept with a girl who slept with a boy who... tried a needle drug on a dare, or who.... experimented one time with homosexuality....

I have discussed all the other VERY IMPORTANT reasons for my kids NOT to engage in casual sex, and instead, trying to wait until marriage, etc., These conversations are just as important to have.

Awkward as it may be, don't avoid having discussions about STDs with your kids, it is too important NOT to. The STD conversation may be the talk that 'clicks' for your kid, being the catalyst that makes them more aware of the risks associated.

In My Perspective, I don't care what ignites that moment of clarity when they see the ramifications of what could happen, I just want the light bulb to go on!

Cleaning out My Closet-Not the Song by Artist I Can't Spell, Sounds like M&Ms

2009-05-24T13:34:00.012-04:00

To be honest, it's not really cleaning out my closet, thats next week - but I thought that was catchy! I'm cleaning hard today, I mean Spring Time HAUL It Outta Here Cleaning in all three kids rooms. I do the ugly job on my own (or with their help) but in keeping with mom clean it up standards twice a year. They do it the rest of the year.

To make this unpleaseant, but very necessary, chore more fun I've decided to host my very first contest on line. (Okay, I'm a newbie). I'm not sellin' anything, trust me. I'm just trying to make the next two days go by faster and be more fun. (I started yesterday on my daughter's room, today is part II.

Here's the scoop:

3 categories:

Room #1: 14 (going on 17 in her mind) girl's room. Guess how many makeup stains on her carpet? Foundation is the WORST to try and get out of carpets.
Room #2: 17 year old boy Guess how many towels in his room on his floor?
Room #3: And this is the biggie, 19 year old home from school - dumped his stuff and went to the beach. HOW many "single socks" will I find in his room?
BONUS grand prize, how much time will it take to clean just the 19 year old's room?
Entry is simple - post your your guesses here in comments, entries no longer accepted after midnight Monday, May 25th. I will post answers with as much proof as I can offer (pics etc.,) and announce winners. Prizes $5.00 Starbucks Card for each winner/per room who comments with the correct answer or closest to the correct answer!

Bonus: Guess how long it took and I'll send you the weirdest thing I found in their rooms. Nah, just kidding, $10.00 gift card for you! :)

My Disclaimer - this ain't serious, no legal fine print, no big deal - all just for kicks. Don't get all technical on me. I'm off to clean. Perhaps I'll post teasers on progress.... Thanks for helping my day go by with a smirk on my face guessing who is or isn't entering a guess.

BTW if the winner is also a member/follower or whatever you call it on my blog - I'm doubling the prize as a special thank you!

Have Fun Getting Fit while Hangin' with the Family!

2009-05-24T10:07:00.014-04:00

Last night my kids and I played 'too many to count' - matches of tennis a few games of bowling and a round of boxing. All without leaving our house. My husband jumped in, playing the winners every now and then. I even matched some socks in between matches - of TENNIS! Ahh, the joys of our new Wii.

Now, with the latest and greatest in Wii fun - a fitness program that has users sweating up a storm while getting a kick butt workout -- you can get it all without leaving your house and family.

In the past, I've only bought EA Sports games for our kids, (my boys love, among others, the FIFA and Madden lines). Now I'm encouraging all of us to to check out EA's new Fitness-Workout: EASports Active - Personal Trainer! .

This program is great for the family to have fun and get a work out right at home!

I'm thinking for those kids who don't seem to engage unless it's animated, interactive and quick to click, EASports Active, may be part of the solution.

This is way more than a game, but I'll call it a 'game' to get my kids in on it with me!

I also think it's just the thing for me! After recently buying our Wii system, I noticed a downward trend on my scale! Pleasantly surprised, I realized why!

Instead of couch potatoing at night watching fave shows or clicking on line, my kids and I were having heated round robins of tennis, boxing other dance type games and more!

JUST MOVING AROUND THAT LITTLE BIT MORE each night was all my body needed to coax it out being content at being sendentary!

No longer content 'crashing' after the evening's cycle of events, boob toobing my way to heavy lids, I'm antsy; I want to walk, or lately, I want to continue our familiy's on-going tennis tournament! Experiencing a mild high on fitting things that didn't a few months ago, I'm inspired to want more!

I first learned about the Wii program EASports Active on a fave web site: JessicaKnows.com, (who, in the interest of true transparency - also happens to be my neice). Her posts got my attention.

But the hook, what really made me want the new EASports ACTIVE, was seeing her mid-way through her 30 Day Challenge at a family gathering and thinking DAMN - she is back to highschool weight or less!

From using the EASports Active on Wii, and adjusting eating habits Jessica is lookin' hot! Needless to say, I was (am) very impressed with what she's achieving. 13 years older than her, I'm not reaching for High School Weight. I would love to achieve 'before baby #3,' or 'even pre-baby #2 weight.'

Who knows, with more buzz from weight loss success, perhaps I'll get crazy, and go for 'Before Babies in the Picture' weight! Now that would be amazing! It would also represent a 45 pound weight loss. It would be life changing.

It might also mean a belly button piercing! (I've threatened that in the past, thinking I was safe...) My daughter would just die! After three C-sections my body just never quite got back to where it was. At first, chasing after 3 kids close in age kept the weight from piling on, but my shape ? It just never was the same. Parents have you seen this pattern in your life?

Young kids - parental unit not bad, just a bit 'loose'
Late elem, beginning middle school - more sitting in the car than anything and a quick 5 or 10 lbs scare you!
All in Middle School or above, more sedentary time; too tired to go to gym because your staying up late because of kids and your work, family, sports schedules..
All kids in High School, more pounds when stay at home parent goes to work.... at a DESK - oh crap, thats where I am!

FACTS:

In the last four years working in an office I've gained almost 20 lbs! I want to play hard with my future grandkids! At this weight, I'll be lucky to be able to babysit them when their babies. I need to lose weight! My kids won't be home with me much longer and I want to take minimal time away from family while they are still here with me!

With EASports Active, I'll be able to exercise at home WITH family!

With EASports Active and some eating habit changes I'm on the right path!

This summer, oldest is home from his first year in college, middle child is starting the whole college visit routines, my baby will start highschool in three months. With this limited time left with my kids, I don't want to spend all my exercising time away from home in a gym. But I realize, I can't delay getting back in to shape and living healthier.

If I can do it all: be with my kids, have fun with them, and get in shape... I'm a fool not to go for it!

Look for more info here as I begin my 30 day challenge, and hopefully wrangle my 14 year old daughter into jumping (literally) in with me! See how frumpy mama and the 'too cool for school - hip chick' do as we challenge each other to new levels of fitness!

We're a slightly competitive, 'sportsy,' family (JessicaKnows will vouch for that). I'm hoping this will turn into a family fitness summer, and along the way - a healthier me!

From my perspective, as parents we set the bar for respecting our bodies, our health and showing appreciation for what we have by taking care of it. If we don't why would we expect our children to?

CHEAP STUFF - OLD NAVY FLIP FLOPS!

2009-05-22T12:12:00.013-04:00

This Saturday, May 22 only:

Solid Color Flip Flops $1.00 per pair!
Maxium 5 pairs per customer.

What a bargain - LOVE IT!!!

FREE STUFF - John Frieda Hair Products

2009-05-20T12:40:00.003-04:00

Every parent could use a freebie now and then...

Love this product, and they're offering FREE Samples for Hair Color Specific Products, check out John Frieda Radiant Red, Sheer Blonde or Brilliant Brunette Shampoo and Conditioner.

Great way to check out the product. Have free travel supplies, or give a teen a surprise treat! (My teenager has VERY long hair and uses GALLONS of Shampoo!)

If your the mom or dad that loves a freebie, always check back for my FREE STUFF updates, a new feature of the blog!

Please comment if you've tried the product, or what your resources are for free stuff, coupons, discounts especially for family related needs and/or activities!

From my perspective, we could all use a little help from our friends!

the mom.

Joey Totes - A "Must Have" for Parents

2009-05-11T13:26:00.006-04:00

Parent’s, don’t you hate it when you hit the Grocery, on the way home for a quick few fresh and healthy items, and as you’re getting ready to check out WHACK, you wanna hit yourself in the head, because once again, you are at the store, with NO reusable bags to avoid getting a few more plastic bags that you don’t want or need?

Check out Joey Totes! I was turned on to them this weekend. Ordering 1 – actually gets you a three pack of graduated sizes. Keep em in your glove compartment, your purse, your pocket, your desk drawer at work...

They pack up slim and small to fit in your purse, or back pocket if needed.
A small drawstring pouch within the bag provides a place to stash your keys or cash if you are using your tote for a day trip - or going to the gym or something.
They are Washable!
Neat and small fold up size is perfect for a bringing lunch back and forth to school and/or work.
ITS GOOD FOR OUR EARTH!!!

What's not to LOVE?

Check them out and bonus – here is a promotion code for a 10% discount! http://www.joeytotes.com/

Promotion Code: JTs ROCK

A Mother's Love

2009-05-10T12:41:00.007-04:00

Motherhood: a never ending role in life, one of life's most rewarding accomplishments, and at the same time one of the hardest jobs in the world. Yet millions of women never think twice about all they have given. In their efforts they find the ability to give more than they ever knew they had to give. For mothers, it is instinctive - it is a part of our very being; the overwhelming urge to protect, nourish, love and encourage. Toni Morrison, author of "Beloved," wrote it best when she penned, "

Grown don't mean nothing to a mother. A child is a child. They get bigger, older, but grown? What's that suppose to mean? In my heart it don't mean a thing."

Our children walk out of the door each morning going to school,eventually adventuring to college and ultimately leaving our homes for their new lives.

The minutes, days and years away from their mothers, they are never gone from their thoughts, hearts, or lives.

From the time we are carrying that precious seed in our womb to opening our bodies to give them life are just the first baby steps of motherhood.

Instinctively, we abandon anything needed to keep them healthy, safe and thriving. We go without so they can have.

We lift them up from each of their stumbles, encouraging them to try again. We tether them when they need to learn self-restraint. We are their biggest cheerleaders in life, and their voice of reason in the next breath.

Throughout their tears, anger and rebellions, we continue to love them through our actions and in our thoughts and words.

Patiently, we wait for them to grow beyond those rough stages. We are relieved when we see they are able to look back and know that what we did, was always done with love for them.

We remind ourselves when they push away from us, it's because we have raised them to be strong and confident children.

When they come back, heads down,needing our help -this is affirmation of their trust in our never ending love for them.

When they experience the pain from mistakes they've made, we learn to celebrate their growth from their experience and take heart in knowing it will make them stronger in the end.

When they apologize for pain they cause us, we take comfort in knowing they have learned sincerity from hearing our apologies over the years for our mistakes.

When they are hurting at the pain of others, while comforting them we are buoyed with pride in their display of empathy; knowing, in our house, they learned sensitivity to the needs of others.,

Each joyful experience in motherhood is usually countered by one as painful; mothers accept both equally. In a mother's wisdom she knows she grows stronger from the pain, only garnering the strength to be there again and again when her child needs her.

What is the gift given to mothers? Perhaps the gift is in the experience itself.

Those who answer to "Mom" receive the ultimate gift, the lifelong experience of knowing a true and pure love, a love that knows no boundaries and provides more strength than ever imagined. A Mother's Love is unparalleled.

If you don't know what true love looks like; look into the eyes of any mother.

BOREDOM BUSTERS - Frugal Fun for All Ages

2009-05-03T11:37:00.018-04:00

Are your kids driving you crazy, because of the "I'm borrred" Syndrome? Try some of my favorite economical, creative and quick to do boredom busters!

Next rainy spring day, or middle of the summer bored whining starts - scroll through this list, and bust those bordeom blues without busting the bank!

Each activity has a my reccommended age category – and these are based just as much on enjoyment and ‘holding’ factor as abilities

Little Hands: Ages 2-6 “LH”
I’m a Big Kid: Ages 6-11 “BK”
Pre-Teen & Tween: Ages 11-13 “Tween”
Full out Teen: Ages 13 + “TEEN” *

*Until your teen is still willing to "play" with you.

SHAVING PAINT LH, BK

Materials: Non-gel shaving cream, Food Coloring Directions:

Combine non-gel shaving cream with a few drops of food coloring.

TIPS: Works on construction paper, a sliding glass door, a section of foil, cookie baking pans or plop them in the tub with bathing suites on. Promises to provide lots of finger-foam fun! Reccomend allowing "decorating” easy to clean household surfaces. Clean by rinsing with water.

SHAVING PAINT PART TWO “Puffy Paint” LH, BK

Materials: Non-gel shaving cream, Glue and Food Coloring

Directions:

Use equal parts glue and shaving cream.
Add a couple of drops of food coloring or tempera paint for color.
Paint with brush onto construction paper.

SIDEWALK PAINT LH, BK, TW

Materials: 1/4 cup of cornstarch, 1/2 cup water and food coloring.

Directions:

Combine cornstarch and water.
Using a small container, mix until smooth.
Add a few drops of food coloring.

TIPS: You can make a few batches of different colors. Kids can use paintbrushes, foam paint-rollers or sponges to paint the sidewalk.

WINDOW PAINT LH, BK, TW

Materials: Liquid dish soap, washable liquid paint or powdered tempera.

Directions:

Mix together equal parts dishwashing liquid and washable liquid paint or powdered tempera.
Mix until it's a creamy consistency.
se paintbrushes.

TIPS: Window paint is easy to clean from windows with a moist paper towel. Sliding Glass doors work great – bigger workspaces are easier for little hands.

FLUBBER LH, BK, TW This makes oozing, gooey, cold and wet play goop.

Materials: 2-1/3 cups warm waterfood coloring, optional2 cups Elmer's school glue3 tablespoons borax

Directions:

In one container, mix 2 cups warm water, food coloring and glue.
Stir until glue has dissolved.
In a separate container, combine 1/3 cup warm water and borax.
Stir until borax has dissolved.
Add borax solution to glue mixture, and mix with hands for about 5 minutes.
Pour out extra water.
Let sit for a few minutes on a tray before playing.

TIPS: Store in airtight container. Don’t play with flubber on upholstered furniture. If “bounced” off walls, can leave a mark (especially walls with “flat” paint).

Marble Painting LH

Materials: Marbles, Poster Paint or Tempera Paint, Box with low sides (a canned-soda case works well), Construction paper or printer paper, small disposable dish (or re-cycled lean cuisine type dish)

Directions:

Place paper in Box
Squeeze small amount of paint into disposable
Roll marble in paint
Put marble in box, hold box and tilt different directions
Change colors as desired – creates cool abstract designs!

SHAKE 'EM UP ICE CREAM! LH, BK, TW TEEN This recipe makes a yummy in your tummy fun!

Materials: 1 gallon-size zipper-type bagcrushed ice6 tablespoons rock salt1 cup liquid half-and-half1/2 teaspoon vanilla2 tablespoons sugar1 pint-size plastic zipper-type bag

Directions:

Fill the large bag halfway with crushed ice.
Add rock salt.
In the small bag, add half-and-half, vanilla and sugar. Seal bag.
Place the small bag in the large bag. Seal it.
Shake for up to 7 minutes until it is ice cream.

Play Dough LH, BK

Materials 2 tablespoons cream of tartar, 1 tablespoon vegetable oil, 1 cup flour, 2 teaspoons food coloring, 1 cup water, 1/2 cup salt

Directions:

Cook on stovetop over medium heat for 4 minutes. Stirring periodically

TIP: Store in Airtight bag, Clean pot before it dries! Use cookie cutters and rolling pins to play with the playdough.

Finger Paint LH

Materials: 4 tablespoons sugar, 1/2 cup cornstarch, 2 cups cold waterfood coloring, containers for finger paint Directions:

In a medium saucepan, mix sugar and cornstarch together
Add water
Heat over medium heat for 8 minutes or until the mixture thickens
Will thicken more as it cools
Divide into containers such as muffin pan, and add desired food coloring to each container

TIPS: Works on Construction Paper or Printer Paper, if you have paper with a gloss, the paint will slide easily. Muffin pans work well while creating projects, harder to “tip” and spill. Baby food jars or small re usable with air tight lids works well for storing left over paint. Shelf life of homemade paint is limited always check before you use again.

BUILD A FORT LK, TW

Let them take over your rec room with blankets, books to anchor them, pillows etc., If you have any recent appliance type boxes, all the better!

COSTUME BOX/DRESS UP LH, BK

Get that box of clothes you and your husband had set aside for Goodwill; kids love to dress up like their parents. Pull out your heels and some of your older, “good fakes” jewelry and some of dad’s ties and hats.

Make Capes out of the slightly stained tablecloths you keep forgetting to throw away.

Keep out the poster paint from earlier activities and face paint. Pull out the tried and true past Halloween costumes.

Makeovers TW, TEEN (girls)

Pull out your creams, facials, scrubs, manicure sets, hair products, and accessories. Don’t forget your hair-styling tools, make up, make up mirror with lights, everything you can think of. Treat your daughter to a day at the spa – ‘at home.’

TIPS: Say “yes” when she wants to “do” you. Don’t force your opinion on her, now isn’t the time to lecture, just to have fun and be spontaneous.

Battle of the Generations BK, TW, TEEN

Already own a Wii, Playstation, Nintendo – any of those type game systems? Challenge your kids to an all-out battle of the ages. Have a Wii Tennis Round robin, show them your previous athletic skill with Madden Football, or any of the other sports themed games.

Collages BK, TW, TEENS

Materials:

Scissors, Papercutters, Glue, double sided tape and/or monoadhesive, Magazines – all sorts, Poster Board, Markers or stickers Tips: Pull out your huge pile of magazines waiting to be re-cycled. With enough of the right magazines, you would be surprised how many boys get in to this too.

Don’t think they’ll completely get into it? Try suggesting just making a collage for their notebook cover.

Many of the notebooks today have a clear plastic cover with room to insert pictures or a collage, etc.,

Talk, cut, tape, talk, cut create – their finished product will tell you a lot about your kids!

Door Art TW, TEEN Be Brave Mom….it’s not as bad as you think.

Materials Poster paint, wall paints, drop cloth, pencil, painters tape, paint brushes all sizes.

Instructions:

Tell your kid to have at it! Create a mural of whatever they want (within boundries) on the back of their room door.
Draw it out in pencil first – get moms okay.
Help them (if needed) tape off the frame, or just outside the frame if the frame is being painted too.
Help make sure drop cloth is secure and covers all carpeting close to the project.
Make sure painting space is well lit.
Help with ladders if needed.
Let them have at it, and express who they are.

TIPS – let them go for it! They will enjoy their art when in their room yet no one else will have to look at it if they don’t want to. This removal of boundaries on “home décor” will really let them know you trust them, and that you can appreciate their style.

DRIVING SCHOOL: TEEN

Take the 15/16 pre-permit, new permit driver out for driving practice, parking lot maneuvers, etc.,

TIPS: Brooms with flags stuck into cones (if you have them from your soccer days) can be very helpful. Empty plastic garbage cans are great pretend “cars” when practicing parking – if they wobble, kid fails!

WIFFLE Ball (one of our family faves!) BK, TW,TEEN

All you need is the plastic bat and ball, no gloves necessary and heavy duty paperplates work for bases.

No backyard, go to the local park, or school field.

Soccer-Golf - made up by my oldest when he was about 12- BK, TW, TEEN

All you need is a ball and some outdoor space.

Each player takes turns creating the “hole,” for example: “From here to the mailbox, go around mailbox, then to the basketball hoop and back. Whoever can do it in the least amount of touches (kicks) wins that hole.

We’ve gone around our block playing this one, I usually don’t win.

You don’t need a pile of money for boredom busters, just think out of the box and be creative with what you have!

From my perspective, boredom is usually directly linked to too much "free" time. Some gently guided fun or creative play-time can be just the thing to busting boredom.

TIP: Mom and Dad, don't structure to the point of stifling good, imaginative, fun!

Soccer Parents Punished - Poor Sportsmanship Hitting a New Low!

2009-04-25T11:19:00.014-04:00

Being your child's advocate means speaking up for their needs, not garnering their 'wants,' or what you believe they want, no matter the cost.

With 100% transparency in mind, FACT: For 7 years I have been a "Travel Soccer" Mom. I have seen firsthand, the many positive and unfortunately just as many, negative, aspects of this particular genre of youth sports.

The entire travel Youth Soccer parent community was recently re-accused of being an over competitive, unsportsmanlike group of people when a story of horrible parenting hit the national newswires.

This is why: The father of a 12 year old soccer player on a Bethesda soccer team in the DC Metro area exhibited completely inappropriate and unsportsmanlike behavoir in response to what he saw as a "bad call" by a parent linesman referee.

The father positioned himeself in the refs face and yelled at the parent ref, saying he made the wrong call. As if that wasn't enough, he also yelled at the ref's daughter saying, "your father should be fired!"

WAGS(Washington Area Girls Soccer)League's governing body decided the team's parents would not be allowed within 100 yards of the playing field for their next two games. The girl's parents attended,100 yds from the field, some with their binoculars.

How did it get to this point? From a game on Saturday and then back to your family and neighborhood friends to this?

Perhaps it's the parents over-investment of time, energy and money; they take off of work, schedule famly vacations around and anchor their lives on the schedule of their kid's travel sports schedule. They are simply too vested in the whole process and in doing so, have created a self-fullfilling prophecy of FRUSTRATION.

Perhaps what is needed, is LESS parental involvement.

There are places in the world where children growing up play with a ball made of grass, in barefeet, or in the streets. Their parents don't tell them to come in and get ready for practice, nor do they monitor their games.

These kids play for the sake of playing. Free from critical eyes pointing out 'mistakes.' Free from constraining rules. Free to be creative and do crazy, silly moves, that one day may be the move all young players strive to conquer...

Maybe we need more back yard ball. Sandlot, peer-type self referring. PERHAPS, kids allowed to play, fall down, have arguments and better yet, SETTLE the argument on their own, won't grow up incapable of accepting a defeat or a mistake and yell at their child's ref and another child.

In 1974 I was 11 and I walked 2 nights a week to our school for softball or soccer practice, then walked home. Never drank a "sports drink," or 'traveled' to a game.

If dad had a lot of yard work, he may or may not make the game - he would always ask, "how'd it go?" maybe, if I looked particularly sweaty, ask if I scored.

From my perspective, I think we need to let our kids be kids. Learn the valuable lessons of being a part of a team, and not place too much emphasis on a game other than having a great time, getting fit and learning a sport.

Actually, let me re-phrase, I think as parents, we need to be parents, not judge and jury at a 12 year old's game, not defender of the team's pride at all costs. I believe our children benefit from seeing us say, "okay, that was frustrating, but thats life, refs can't see everything..." They learn so much more from that simple statement than any sideline antics.

Look closely at your kid, are they happy? Are they having fun? Then be happy. It's enough.

Wise Words

2009-04-13T17:40:00.007-04:00

I often draw on other's wise words for parental strategys, as in the quote below:

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody."

Bill Cosby said this, and very likely said it while parenting teens. Those teens who manage to have the self-confidence to follow their own instincts and path in life, will not only be very successful, but happier because of it too!

Trying to please a group of friends, who don't always know what they need to be happy themselves, is practically a sure bet for being frustrated, un happy and un-successful.

As parents, it's helpful to our teens to hear our thoughts behind some of our decisions, so they see our "life logic" at work. Today, one of my teens asked me why I wasn't participating in something she thought I would really enjoy doing. when I explained my perspective that by participating in this event, I was only trying to please everyone, and invariably would fail, leaving me un-happy and unsatisfied with the results.

She pondered this, nodded and said, "Yeah, I see what ya mean, it's like your setting yourself up." Score one for the mom! Message transmitted with success!

Parenting: My Top 10 Favorite Quotes About Parenting

2009-04-10T20:24:00.006-04:00

Words of wisdom I try to remember while riding the roller coaster of life called Parenting!

1. “To understand your parents' love you must raise children yourself.” Ancient Chinese Proverb

2. “Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression” Dr. Haim Ginott

3. “To maintain a joyful family requires much from both the parents and the children. Each member of the family has to become, in a special way, the servant of the others.” Pope John Paul II

4. “If a child is to keep his inborn sense of wonder, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in.” Rachel Carson

5. “I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.” Harry S. Truman

6. “Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.” Unknown

7. “An aware parent loves all children he or she meets and interacts with—for you are a caretaker for those moments in time.” Doc Childare

8. “The strength of a nation derives from the integrity of the home.” Confucius

9. “Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open,and rules are flexible--the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family.” Virginia Satir

10. “The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life.” Richard Bach

From My Perspective, we all need words of wisdom to assist us in our effort at parenting in the very best way we can. What are your favorite quotes about parenting and family life - please share by posting your comments!

Hannah Montana the Movie: Great Family Movie and Message

2009-04-10T19:00:00.012-04:00

Disney's production of Hannah Montana, the Movie receives this parent’s two thumbs up. The movie, produced by non-other than Miley’s dad, Billy Ray Cyrus is Miley/Hannah’s story of discovering who she really is in the midst of struggling to juggle her two distinctly different lives she leads.

After exhibiting some rambunctious teenage star behavior, showing she has perhaps grown a little too big for her boots, Miley’s dad brings her back to her roots. By going back to her grandmother’s very rustic, yet quaint Tennessee farm where she grew up, Miley quickly finds her self pulled between the life in front of her, and the one she left in California. With a little time, she once again sees for herself the joys in living the simple life. She remembers that the people she cares about most care about her, with or without being Hannah.

The movie’s cinematography is stunning and made me yearn to spend a week in the country without a cell phone. The message in the movie is relevant and could apply to any pre-teen or young teen having a hard time deciding who they “are.” Parents will be able to identify with the struggles and sacrifices of parenting and the heartache involved when you need to let your child fall down in order to learn.

The music is great; the “first love” aspect of the story is completely appropriate and sweet. The movie manages to be very cute without being saccharine coated. It doesn’t try to be more than it is, because it doesn’t need to be. It is very confident in being the wonderfully quaint family movie that it is.

From My Perspective, a 4 star family movie. (For those families with younger - to pre-teen kids).

Can Your Kid Overload On Sports Drinks?

2009-04-06T22:31:00.005-04:00

Sports drinks are intended for exactly what they say: drinking during, or after sports in order to replenish fluids athletes lose as they sweat during a game. Lately, many parents are providing sports drinks to their children on a daily basis -perhaps feeling it is better than soda. Sports drinks have practically become the "Juicy Juice" for the older set of kids. These drinks created with the intention to replace the electrolytes and sodium in a persons body after working out and sweating, thus de-hydrating their bodies. My son played soccer from Kindergarten on up, eventually playing on a nationally ranked team, continuing now in college.

During their travels, numerous sports nutritionists communicated to these boys that sports drinks prior to a game was not necessary, and in fact, if consumed at all prior to a game, it should be cut in 1/2 with water

. Players often complain of feeling more thirsty while drinking a sports drink before and during the beginning of a game. In young, active girls between the ages of 8 and 14 doctors have noted an increase in kidney stones, and they are attributing this to an overindulgence of sports drinks in combination with a "love" of junk food. The overload of sodium in the young girls diets are causing calcium build up and eventually kidney stones. Being active girls, they are used to having sports drinks; unfortunately for them, the use of these drinks on a daily basis coupled with weekly run to the golden arches often with a side of fries has boomeranged on these kids in a painful way. WATER is the best pre-game hydration, and for those athletes who compete at a higher level, hydration begins 36 to 72 hours prior to their match. After a hard played match, or during a hot day's game, a sports drink is great. Packing one for lunch each day, and an after school snack, is not the best idea. Between the caloric intake and the sodium, its a simple case of too much of a good (tasting) thing! In the case of these young girls, doctors are recommending cutting out the fries and greatly decreasing fast food. Only drinking the sports drink when necessary after a match and increasing their water and fruits which also provide your body with fluids to replace those lost in sport, or just running around at recess. From my perspective, we teach our kids the rules to the game; it makes sense to teach them how to feed their bodies the nutritional fuel it needs for peak performance and playing hard- but safely at the same time.

Two Thumbs Up Review for "Kids In Mind" Web Site - A GREAT Parental Movie Guide Resource!

2009-04-05T12:24:00.016-04:00

Kids In Mind is one of the best resources on the net for parents to "PRE"check a movie out to confirm whether or not it is appropriate for their kids to go see. Kids In Mind ease of navigation, rating system and searchability makes this site a reliable, quick and easy click for any parent to confirm "yes Johnny" or "no Johnny" you can or can't see this movie.

Tweens are especially hard to gauge when it comes to movies. They tend to be a little beyond the traditional "kid" movie, but not quite mature enough for the true "teen" movie. As parents, we know our kids best, we know who has matured and who can handle what message. Blindly trusting the movie industry rating system won't always work for what YOUR kid can or can't handle.

The three category, numeric rating system provides parents a quick and easy to read snapshot for each movie. This snapshot lets me know if I need to read the more detailed review before making a decision.

"Sex & Nudity," "Violence & Gore" and "Profanity" each have a numeric,color coded 1-10 rating at the top of each movie's review.

A movie with a 9-10-19 rating would be an over the top sexually graphic movie, filled with bloody violence with a script filled with profanity, (probably an "R" rated movie).

If the movie has a snapshot of 3-4-3, and your not sure, the step by step detailed description of each category will give any parent I know more than they could have asked for in detail regarding each category.

Phrases such as "man's thigh brushes woman's knee under the table during dinner scene" gives the parent a blow by blow of each shot in the film that could be considered "sexual."

A literal word count of each and every profanity, uttered or muttered, in the film is provided. Minutely detailed descriptions of violence and/or gore for those categories give the parent a true benchmark to rate the film with their family values in mind.

Each review also includes whether or not there is substance abuse involved in the story and to what level it is included in the film.

Reviews wrap up with suggested topics for discussion and the underlying message of each movie.

Being able to read this level of detail, enables me to decide whether or not to allow or not allow my kids to go to a movie with confidence, knowing I am making a well-informed decision.

Even when you kid (and they will) sneaks into a movie, and as always you invaribly find out after the fact, you can click here and have an informed "de-brief" with your kid about the movie!

From my Perspective, this web site has earned a "Parental Guidance Required" two thumbs up! Check it out, bookmark it in your favorites, and tell the other 'rents on the block about it. Having this resource in your parental arsenal of tools will help you parent your children as best you can.

Bravo MTV for Telling Pedro Zamora's Story - Parent's Turn on the TV for This One and Watch it With Your Kids

2009-04-04T15:53:00.017-04:00

Thank you MTV for creating and broadcasting Pedro's story, he put a face on the disease when he was alive, and now, he will continue to help raise awareness. As parents, we need to be aware of our children's choices and make sure they are making informed decisions in their lives. Pedro's story needs to be heard. If discussing sexuality with your older children is too hard a topic for you, perhaps using MTV's "Pedro" as a catalyst will help you. Watching it together could be a wonderful way to approach the whole topic. Whether we want to admit it or not our children, at one time or another, will become sexually active. We can't control when it happens.

We can influence our children's perspective.

We can inform our children about the facts.

We can make sure they are aware of all the repercussions of their choices and actions.

I do hope my children will have the self restraint to resist the overt sexual messages that surround them each day. Realistically I know they face tough choices all the time. So, what I can do is share everything I can while they are with me.

Becoming sexually active without the knowledge of how to protect yourself, is like jumping into a pool not knowing how to swim, essentially putting themselves at great risk.

Hopefully, my husband and I will have instilled our family values in our children's thought process while they are home with us. We have tried to always be honest with the facts surrounding their potential actions and choices.

HIV AIDS hasn't gone away, and it won't go away until we face it head on and be above board about the facts surrounding the issue.

My brother was diagnosed with, lived with, and eventually died from AIDS. Like Pedro, he didn't run away from it, he faced it. He helped raise awareness, he went against the establishment, went public and worked to have a law that changed that was preventing him (and many other HIV Positive/AIDS patients) from receiving social security.

Hiding from things that scare us is never a solution, it never makes what your facing easier, it never accomplishes anything but delaying the inevitable.

When it's the right time, and your kids are the appropriate age, don't run away and hide from what needs to be said. Face your fears, then face your children and tell them the facts.

From my perspective, sharing information that helps our children make wise and responsible choices is one more way of telling them we love them. Whether our children are straight or gay, they all deserve to live a long and happy life, filled with love. Love your children enough to inform them.

Photo Credit: http://www.mtv.com/

My All Time Favorite Dad has Landed on Twitter - Welcome Bill Cosby!

2009-04-01T22:40:00.011-04:00

Bill Cosby, or should I say, @JelloPudding has landed on Twitter. (Photo from Twitter profile). His account appears to be the real deal. I for one, am very excited at the prospect of reading his tweets. I would imagine they will either make me laugh out loud or immediately impress me with their wisdom.

I have admired, looked up to and laughed until I had tears, listening to and watching Bill Cosby since I was about 6 years old. My family would (gasp!) listen to his albums on my dad's stereo. Watching my dad listen to Cos was almost as funny as listening to the man himself!

Beyond Mr. Cosby's comic genius, is the soul of a truly good human being, a parent who is not shy about expressing his love and commitment to his family. Mr. Cosby stood up and spoke out about the effect the lack of parenting in households across America was having on today's youth. Despite a small backlash of public outcry weakly accusing him of turning his back on his roots, he held firm in his stance, because not only was he right; it was too important to back down from.

His obvious love and respect for his wife, Camille, has always been obvious. He is also a man that is smart enough to understand how to make a long lasting relationship not only work, but thrive! (Visualize - popular routine regarding how he knew he was bigger, stronger, faster, his voice was deeper; and yet, he somehow he had dropped in the pecking order in his household, exactly when, he ponders out loud did his wife do this?)

Recently Mr. Cosby was announced as the next Mark Twain Award recipient, one of the highest honors in comedy and story. telling

Parents, if you want your kids to see that you can laugh until you cry without hearing every other word bleeped out, if you want your kids to see the humor in the everyday things in life, to witness some of the best physical comedy, to know what real neighborhood fun is - download some great classic Cosby.

From my Perspective, we need more Bill Cosby's in the world. We need his humor, his passion for advancing and protecting our youth, and we need more of his deliciously silly smile and roll of his eyes.

Welcome Bill Cosby, Welcome to Twitter, please do jump in and share your humor and wisdom with us all, we will all be the better for it!

One of my favorites - Natural Childbirth - OMG, the parents badge of honor - I always send this to people when they find out they are with child for the first time!

Move Over Marley, TANK is in the House!

2009-03-28T21:52:00.009-04:00

Life with Tank, a full grown Lab tipping the scales at 125 lbs, who thinks he is a lap dog at times and and lives each day like a perpetual toddler!

TANK - our 125 lb Yellow Lab, was plunked into our lives 9 years ago. It all started so innocently. On our way to church our kids mentioned their was a Lab Rescue event going on at the Pet Smart we pass on the way.

We agreed to do a quick stop just to see how a rescue event worked. My middle son and I were immediately drawn to this massive hunk of a dog with the most gentle brown eyes we had ever seen.

He was the largest, calmest and most quiet dog there. It was love at first site. Before we knew it we were dog owners. As I walked him around Pet Smart picking up what we needed, someone commented to us that our dog was big as a tank! Now we had our dog and a name for him too!

Life has not been the same since that fateful July day. The dog who didn't bark and would run for the first 3 or 4 days has been the source of many hilarious stories and just as many frustrating days.

Tank's Tales are all about my puppy who never grew up; Tank's Tales have been in the making for 9 years, way too many for one post, but plenty for lots of fun and humorous posts.

Oh yeah - after our first week of living with Tank, we were all convinced he had been drugged on Zanax or something the day we adopted him!

From eating ground coffee to re-modeling our friends house Tank is my fourth child, or fifth - if you count my husband. And who doesn't count their husband?

Is Today's Economy Kicking Your Family Budget's Butt?

2009-03-28T17:37:00.018-04:00

Prices are rising on everything from milk to sneakers, parent's salaries are being cut, and bonuses are almost non-existent. Yet your mortgage still need to be paid and so far gas is still needed to make our cars go from A to B, and diapers aren't really something you can cut back on now are they?

TIRED OF HAVING YOUR BUDGET'S BUTT KICKED?

THEN KICK BACK!

Consignment Stores can be a great life saver! Everything from drop dead gorgeous prom dresses listed for $30.00 compared to it's retail $150.00. Good shops will have shoes and purses to possibly match the dress with. Furniture consignment can also be a great resource for the family in need of a couch, table,etc.
Sports fees stretching your wallet? Most sports organizations are primarily a volunteer force. Many will swap fees in exchange for your skill set do you have a unique talent - web master, volunteer coordinator, managing the snack bar for a season. It never hurts to ask.
Bartering has been around for centuries for a reason. It works! Good with scissors? You can offer hair cuts in exchange for a math whiz mom turtoring your kid in Math.
Freecycle a website for your community where FREE really does means FREE! Go on line and sign in to the group closest to you.
Don't want to give away attic treasures for free? Ebay still works. Sell some of your bigger items for some extra cash in the budget, just be sure to determine your shipiping costs accurately.
Online coupons and store coupons can really make a large dent in your grocery bill.
Save green by going green! Turn off your lights, TVs, radios and computers at night or when your not in the room. Run your dishes and laundry during off peak hours. Heck, hang your laundry to dry in the summer sun. Coordinate your family travel to conserve on gas costs.
Be wary of club warehouse shopping, bulk fresh produce is usually wasted. Target the consumables that are gone the fastest in your household (milk in mine) and items with a longer shelf-life for your pantry.
Wherever you can go generic go, go go! If you take any kind of meds on a regular basis this will reduce your bill significantly.
Have family movie night at home - via rentals. Family cook in night with games instead of going to dinner.
Cancel your magazine subscriptions - any good publication will be on line.
Band together with friends and buy in bulk for certain needs/occasions: diapers, school supplies, sports equipment, required summer reading lists.

From my perspective most things in life truly are "Cheaper by the Dozen!"

Will Your Child Become an Alcohol Related Death Statistic? - Every 15 Minutes Someone Dies in an Alcohol Related Car Crash

2009-03-21T10:31:00.008-04:00

Every 15 Minutes, a service targeted at High School students and their families, is an incredible program that illustrates, as realistically as a possible, the direct affect these deaths have on all the lives of the people connected to the victim. A National program, it started in the 90's with their mission being: help high school juniors and seniors realize the unnecessary tragedy that can result from an unsafe decision, or bad choice. Image from http://www.every15minutes.com/.

The program is dramatic, realistic and involves the students,staff, parents and local authorities. If you have been fortunate enough to be a part of this experience, I encourage you to speak up and let other parents know the importance of advocating a program like this where their children attend school.

On April 30th-May1st my son will be participating in this program. As I began reading the paperwork, I thought wow, this is pretty cool. By the time I completed my last signature I was choking back my tears.

My son will be enacting the role of a fatal crash victim. I am not allowed to go to school to see what happens. I am not allowed to have contact with my child from the time he leaves for school that morning until the assembly the next day.

In addition to writing my son's obituary for the school paper, I will be contacted by a member of our police department and told - in the exact language of an official notification of death, that my son passed away in an alcohol related crash.

All of the "victims" involved during the exercise are pulled from class (every 15 minutes) by the grim reaper, they will then go to an undisclosed location, turn in their cell phones and participate in an overnight retreat, not allowed to contact anyone in the "outside world." This is done to represent to everyone involved: themselves, their family, friends and teachers, what it feels like to have someone in your life - suddenly ripped away from your world.

All that day in school, the "Walking Dead" will be students, with ashen, hollow faces and black t-shirts, who will walk the hallways and attend classes the entire day in silence, representing all those who have died in alcohol related accidents.

Is this program over the top? Is it going to far? Perhaps. But, to truly reach our youth who have grown up surrounded by over the top media, entertainment and drama, perhaps this is the BEST way to grab, and then keep their attention on the fact that EVERY 15 MINUTES someone dies in an alcohol related death.

Whether your child is the one that has never taken a drink, or the one with the adventurous streak who is willing to try anything once it doesn't matter. ANYONE can be a victim and ANYONE can make an impulsive decision, outside of their character, with life changing results.

If anything, check out the website, the many videos on YouTube from schools who have participated... listen and learn. Love your children enough to have a straight up heart to heart talk (not lecture) about alcohol and what it can and can't do.

From my perspective, I would much rather receive the police officer's message this way, and hopefully, forever avoid that dreaded phone call, door bell or tear filled message about anyone I love. Wouldn't you?

An Aha Moment - How Big is Your Family's Carbon Footprint?

2009-03-13T22:48:00.001-04:00

You wouldn't believe how much energy your family's home and activities use, and more importantly, waste. A recent afternoon curled up with my "must read" pile that I accumulate over the week provided me with a lightbulb over the head moment! As I read the informative March issue of National Geographic regarding the average American's home and carbon emissions I looked up and was shocked at how blind I had been! As I looked around my immediate environment I saw: 6 rooms lit, a TV on in an empty kitchen, a TV on in the room I was "reading" in,2 desktops and one laptop "on," a window cracked open still from the warm day before, and the vacum cleaner waiting to be put away from just being used. I could hear a radio, the thump of our heater turning on in response to the now cool brisk morning, the dishwasher, laundry and my husband showering upstairs all going at once. All this - and it was 7:30 am, and only 2 people were in the house. Like a guilty puppy, I jumped and scampered all over, turning off lights, radios and TVs. Vacuuming hardwood floors instead of sweeping, the lights, TVs and radio - right then, clear as day, was a crystal clear sign of my family's plain ole' laziness and non-chalant lack of concern regarding our home and enviornment and let's not forget, our finances!

Some say that a family of 5, with both parent's working, it's reasonable to have the dishwasher, laundry and shower all going at once. But it isn't reasonable - it's downright excessive!

Our dishwasher has a delay wash button, as does our laundry. It would be better to stagger the water use, and even more efficient to time our usage at the during the non- peak hours. Late at night is just as convenient, you don't have to be around and hear what little noise they make now and then and you can swap things in the morning etc., I started giving un-planned and impromtu "bonuses" to the family when they knowingly or unknowingly, behaved in a more eco friendly manner. When a kid FINALLY remembered to take OFF the plastic caps on soda bottles, milk gallons or gatorades before recycling, or turned off the TV as they left a room, and maybe even some lights, I casually offered them an extra five for pocket money that week, or cooked their favorite breakfast, or offered extra scoop of icecream. After about a week or two the kids knew something was up... and in a good way! Finally my son said why are you in such a good mood lately? I didn't miss a beat, I had been waiting for them to ask ME, so I wasn't "lecturing" them! I replied, "when we save energy, and do things to help, instead of hurt the environment I get in a good mood. The extra dollars you're helping Dad and I save by turning things off make it so I have a few extra bucks here and there, so I'm passing it on. On Thursdays I try to plan our weekend adventures, errands and running around so we don't waste a mile. Instead of dividing and conquering, my husband and I try to merge the needs of the family in the most efficient ways. The bonus - we have more time for ourselves! My kids are getting used to me saying, "I can take you there, but how about in a 1/2 hour, when I'm also taking your sister in the same direction?" Or, "nope, you need to plan a little better, see if you can car pool - I'm not going 10 miles in 1 direction to immediately turn around and go 15 more miles in the opposite direction just so you two can get ready together."

We live in a world that has an underlying current of urgency in all things. Many of our new technological advances have done wonderous things, they have also created a generation of people who demand instant gratification in the sound of a click.

In our children's eyes everything needs to happen, now. They want to get in the car and go to the mall now, not for any particular reason, just to go. At first I was told it was ri-dic-u-lous that I wanted to turn the computers off at night. WHY? They fought me hard on this one! WHY - it will take too long to boot up in the morning before school, just in case some one posted some thing on their facebook 2 seconds after they went to bed. The sports world has created a whole new travel niche in the escalated and elite "travel" team. Exxons, Paneras and Courtyard's across the country are grateful for the soccer/baseball/basketball/lacrosse/football etc.,etc., parent who packs her van, surburban, Explorer and carts her children up and down the coast. The kids who are eally good - they are loaded into planes to play 4 or 5 games. Don't get me wrong, I lived the soccer mom life. I enjoyed it and my son loved it. But I can say now, at the time, I didn't see how much waste was involved. We carpooled, we packed food and all that. But was it really necessary for our 10 and 11 year olds to go up and down the coast to get a good game of soccer? Yes most of our team excelled and now plays in college, but I'm pretty sure they would still be playing even if we had held off on the travel until they were a little older. Perhaps if we all vowed to cut back a little on our excessiveness, the by product would be a quieter, simpler and greener world. We might have to wait a little to get the next _________ or go to the next ________, etc. Oh well!

From my perspective, there is a lot to be said for anticipation, hoping, dreaming and wondering. More importantly, the legacy we will leave our children's children will be a cleaner and healthier world.

Think of five ways your family can reduce their foot print. Then act on them. Enjoy the fringe benefits!

Domestic Violence Spreads its Ugly Seed on to Those Who Grew Up In Its Presence

2009-02-16T17:59:00.001-05:00

With the release of Chris Brown's statement the spotlight is on domestic violence right now. While I am not, and never will condone Chris Brown's actions; parents need to watch this story and listen closely. Here is a 19 year old boy who hurt the girl he proclaimed to love. Rhianna is a young girl who has been reported to have alluded to previous issues with Chris and yet did not walk away after the first time he hurt her. Chris Brown has vocalized that he sees his childhood as one that was in the dark shadow of domestic violence between his step father and his mother. Yet, even though he hated the idea of someone hurting his mother, he too has sadly found himself in the role of an abuser - the very thing he once angrily spoke out against. If you are raising your children in an environment of Domestic Violence, no amount of reasonijg you can tell yourself to justify what is happening will ever help you when you hear of your child either repeating the pattern of hurting someone, or repeating being the victim. Domestic violence, like other dysfunctional family issues, permitates itself into the very soul of the family members. It is like a diesease that rears it's ugly head when least expected. It affects all those in it's path and will continue to repeat in generations to come until someone in the chain stops hiding it, and exposes it for what it is: a criminal act. Obviously in Chris Brown's statement he is sorry for what happened. Many that abuse are sorry for what they have done. Unfortunately, being sorry and regrettful doesn't always equal stopping their actions. Many that have abused someone have regretted their actions only to do it again.

"Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am over what transpired. I am seeking the counseling of my pastor, my mother and other loved ones and I am committed, with God’s help, to emerging a better person. Much of what has been speculated or reported on blogs and/or reported in the media is wrong. While I would like to be able to talk about this more, until the legal issues are resolved, this is all I can say except that I have not written any messages or made any posts to Facebook, on blogs or any place else. Those posts or writings under my name are frauds."

I sincerely hope in this case it will turn out for the best and Chris will grow and emerge a better person for having been accountable for this experience. Likewise, I'm hoping Rhianna will also come out of this a stronger, empowered young woman, confident in who she is and know it never is acceptable for someone to hurt her. Domestic Violence is not limited to adult, married couples, unfortunately this is also a problem that has emerged in the lives of our children's generation. If you know or suspect a young adult or teen in your life is being abused or doing the abusing, reach out to them and let them know it's not acceptable and you are there to help them. Let someone you care about where to get help: http://www.ndvh.org/

Parenting after Growing Up a Child of an Alcoholic

2009-02-16T15:24:00.001-05:00

Growing up in a family with a parent, or both parents suffering from alcoholism sticks with a person far beyond their days of childhood, despite their best efforts conceal it and separate it from who they are now. An ACA (Adult Child of Alcoholic Parent/s) carries the baggage of their childhood with them always. Unresolved, these weighty issues then becomes a burden passed on to their family.

On average 1 in 6 families are living with the effects of alcoholism.

The scars created by growing up in this hurtful environment run deep, the depth of which is often unknown to the ACA themselves. Growing up in this dysfunctional environment only creates a warped and unhealthy reference for the child's future relationships, parenting responsibilities and commitments in their life as an adult. Being raised in a household with an unavailable or unreliable parent does not provide the consistency a child needs in order to be "available" and reliable to their loved ones themselves. Often members of the alcoholic influenced household "avoid" the tensions created by the offending member by not speaking about it and pretending the issue doesn't exist, thus creating an unhealthy, uncommunicative household. Living this way completely drills into the family: avoid conflict at all costs. This avoidance only keeps the unresolved issues "alive" forever (the baggage). This pattern also enables unacceptable behavior to continue, as the lack of communication only lets the offending person off the hook of accountability. A family that does not communicate freely is on the road to their living daily life with the issues working against them. In a defensive measure, the ACA learns to keep things buttoned up tight, not talking about feelings or acknowledge their feelings. This happens because they learned when they acknowledged how they truly feel, and the depth of those feelings, it hurt way too much when those they loved were unable to acknowledge and accept how they felt. What begins as a protective wall in their childhood becomes a stone wall in their adulthood; keeping out those they love the most. In actuality, what they need the most are their loved ones close to them, inside their wall, loving and supporting them. If you grew up with an alcoholic parent, please consider the following signs and if they are affecting your relationship with your spouse and children. Residual Symptoms of an ACA can include: 1. Problems with intimacy 2. Problems with communication 3. Trust issues 4. Very critical and hardest on themselves 5. Issues with follow through and completing projects 6. Often tend to be workaholics; a convenient way to isolate themselves 7. Strive for perfectionism to control what parts of their lives they can 8. You grew up before your time and have become ultra-serious 9. Resistant to broadening your world to include "unknown” 8. Overly sensitive to sudden change; things are fine the "way they are" 9. At times, strangely drawn to erratic or unacceptable behavior Being a parent is one of the most intimate relationships you will have in your life, right along with your spouse. If you can't openly communicate and trust those in your family, your family life will be a constant struggle filled with tension. The lack of communication often results in your children filling in the "why" with themselves – and living with the effects of self blame, very likely as you may have done when you were a child. If you are hardest on yourself, look at your children, are they reacting the same to themselves do you see a pattern of them being too afraid to fail, which makes them afraid to even try? Is your inability to follow through on promises or projects with your children creating a feeling of mistrust between your kids and yourself? Do your kids often feel let down - and "throw" this in your face, only creating tension and making you feel defensive? Do your kids have issues with follow through and completion? Being a parent is all about change. Watching and guiding your children growing up, is all about being open to, and encouraging change. Do you find sudden changes in your life hard to embrace? It could be as simple as growing up with one type of peanut butter and your spouse suddenly buys a different brand, did you find yourself overreacting? Even though you likely crave stability and control over your life, are you spontaneously drawn to erratic or "unacceptable" behavior? Do you see your children trying on personalities that are possibly dangerous or acting out in a way that is desperate for your attention?

If you grew up as a child of an alcoholic; please try to look closely inside yourself, your true feelings, and your true state of mind. Do you feel you dealt with "all that" back in the day, its done and behind you?

Give yourself a reality check – most likely it is as far behind you as you thought, take an honest inventory of your family dynamics. Even when an ACA doesn't drink at all, the legacy of a life raised in the midst of an alcoholic is most likely being passed onto their children despite their best efforts to keep it away from them. Everything about their childhood they hoped would never touch their children is with their children each and every waking momen. If an ACA doesn't communicate to their children about their own childhood, their children won't know why they "are the way they are," or why their family functions the way it does.

Break the cycle by more than not drinking. It is just as important to break the cycle of silence by talking to your kids.

They will love you and respect you for it.
They will love and respect themselves and understand themselves.
Afterwards, they will understand everything about their household a little bit better.

Only when you identify the big, invisible dragon in the room can you begin to slay it. From my perspective, by opening up and communicating about your childhood, you will finally be on the road to recovery. Better yet, you will all be on the road together - truly together, not just next to each other, in the same house, but together in love and support of each other.

Resources to help Adult Children to Alcoholics: http://www.alanon.com/

http://www.adultchildren.org/

In Memory of Erma Bombeck and Helen Zakour

2009-02-07T17:40:00.001-05:00

I always liked Erma, scarastic zinger thrower that she was. A lady whose unique perspective is one I can identify with and appreciate. Erma once wrote something like - life gives us a bowl of cherries, and then we choke on the stones - I remember chuckling when I read it. Then this month, I lived it. Everything was going great, life was good. Suddenly I had a wakeup call. In the midst of everything, BAM - a deep and sudden loss. For a few days I spiriled down into a dark place.

Simply put: a good woman in my life died suddenly.

She wasn't my BFF, not even a daily phone call/email friend. She was what I would call a periphial friend, someone I met through a close friend. Helen was a woman who, everytime I spent time with her I came away feeling better than I was before. Helen always managed to open my eyes. Helen always had something warm or positive to say to lift you up if you needed it. In this day of rush around stress, Helen was a truly gentle person. She was peaceful, loving and giving. She was also a human machine, getting anything and everything done, and then doing it with flair. Then she was sick. In little over a month she was dead. Her death threw me off course like I've never been before. After her funeral, all I could do was THINK. It made me question my own mortality. It made me re-evaulate how I spend each and every day. It made me challenge my faith. Helen was a truly faithful person, she lived it and relied on it, and yet... this. Why her, how could this happen? In the end, I realized it is not ours to know and understand everything. Part of humanity is the challenge of letting go when we need to. We need to have faith when we don't understand, when we can't see the reason, and when we are angry with the results.

When life has provided a big bowl of cherries for us, we need to be grateful when we don't accidentally hit a pit. When life batters us with lemons; we need to make lemonade.

The lemonade I've made from Helen's death contains the following things: trying each day to do something Helen would do for someone else, to enjoy each and every single cherry life gives me, to always remember if I didn't hit a pit now and then, I wouldn't enjoy, or be grateful for, the cherries nearly as much. Think of the "Helen" in your life; reach out to someone you know who least expects it. Be the lemonde to a friend bombarded with lemons.

Be Helen. From my perspective... the world needs a lot more Helens.

It is All About LOVE.

2009-02-07T16:46:00.002-05:00

It has been too long since I blogged. This was an un-planned absence. Life got in the way, but that happens when parenting. A lay off at work, a BAD case of the flu, a husband on travel in India for 3 weeks, and a son who suddenly decided to change colleges. I had to choose between loving and supporting those who needed me and the blog for a few weeks..... But now I'm back! Happy February! Show your kids some LOVE. Let your kids see you showing your spouse some LOVE - it's how they learn to LOVE! And it is definitely all about LOVE, everything we do every day should be done with love. As parents, hey - as people, if our actions aren't ignited by love, then they come from fear. No one wants to live a life in fear. You can't be happy living with a fear of rejection, fear of doing wrong, fear of letting someone down, the list can go on forever. If you lovingly try to help someone and it doesn't work, it's okay; because you did it with love. If you try something new because of the love you have for discovery, and it doesn't pan out - it's okay. You tried and you grew from it, whether successful or not. If you DON'T try something because of your fear of not succeeding, and you DON'T help out, because your afraid it won't be enough, or won't measure up to someone else's brand of help, then you lose. By acting in fear, you become incapciated. You've not only lost the mere opportunity to love someone, you lost out on loving yourself. Children witnessing their parent's fear taking the reins of their lives, they too, may grow up viewing life first through the seive of fear instead of love. Let your love and passion for those you love run rampant over the fear we all have and try to hide. Let love grow, and you will soon see the fear in your life minimized. Don't be afraid to spend more time with your kids than you do cleaning some days. Don't be afraid to take some time off from work, to spend more time with your family. Don't be afraid to pass up an invitation out to spend the night home with your kids once in ahwile. Because, from my perspective.... children spell love like this: T - I - M - E. Show your love by giving your time. Because our time with our kids is never long enough.

Inaugural Concert Kick Off on Lincoln Memorial Steps - Organizers Announce Talent

2009-01-12T20:38:00.001-05:00

Monday, January 12th the Presidential Inagural Committee Announced the initial talent line up for the free concert on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. The opening celebration, "WE ARE ONE: THE OBAMA INAUGURAL CELEBRATION AT THE LINCOLN MEMORIAL will kick off the 56th Presidential Inauguration. The concert, being presented by HBO hosts an incredible list of talent, someone for every member of your family for sure! Scheduled to perform so far: Beyonce, Mary J. Blige, Bono, Garth Brooks, Sheryl Crow, Renee Fleming, Josh Groban, Herbie Hancock, Heather Headley, John Legend, Jennifer Nettles, John Mellencamp, Usher Raymond IV, Shakira, Bruce Springsteen, James Taylor, will.i.am, and Stevie Wonder. In addition to the musical performances there will be historical passages read by Martin Luther King, III, Denzel Washington, Jamie Foxx and Queen Latifah. This kick off concert will be an event to remember! Imagine those performers singing with the Lincoln Memorial in the background looking down, with thousands of people all along the reflecting pool.

Obama and Biden's Whistle Stop Tour to Inauguration - Another Family Event Opportunity

2009-01-10T11:50:00.001-05:00

Whistle stop stations to inauguration provides families additional opportunities to participate in Inauguration Excitement Outside of DC. Philadelphia, Newark, Baltimore and DC train stations all involved. Obama and Biden will make their way to the inauguration via Amtrack departing from Philadelphia, Saturday January 17th, at the 30th Street Station. Obama and his family will then pick up the Biden Family in Delaware. The special charter train will then stop in Baltimore, Maryland for another event, before arriving in their new hometown, Washington, DC! Thousands are expected to line the trains path in and out of each city to catch a glimpse of the Presidential charter train. The route, 137 miles of track, will be manned by thousands of officers from a reported 40 different jurisdictions. Throngs of crowds are expected to try and catch a glimpse of the train at overpasses, parking lots, bridges, etc. In 1968, an estimated million people came out to see RFK's funeral train traveling from New York to Washington, while that was in June, this is probably a fairly reliable gauge for what you can expect this time. This train ride is another example of those planning the inauguration events striving to make this inaugration one of the most open and accesible inaugurations in history; they want to involve as many Americans who want to participate, but can't be or don't want to be in DC. Perhaps this is their way of thanking the people of America who started a grass roots campaign and showed the world everyone's vote does count. Obama and Biden are not the first to arrive in DC via train, in addition to Bill Clinton, other historic presidents such as Washington and Lincoln also rode the rails to their big day. It seems as if Obama has come full circle in honoring Abraham Lincoln; from his annoucement for his candidacy just about 1 year ago in Springfield, Illinois- to travelling to his big day by train (as Lincoln did from Illinois to DC for his inauguration). In a statement released by the Inaugural Committee those chosen to ride along with Obama and Biden to Washington will represent the wide variety of struggles and triumphs of Americans who made "extraordinary contributions to the life of this country." From a workers' rights advocate, to a soldier whose working to help those struggling with post-traumatic stress disorder, to people whose lives have been directly affected by the economic down turn and recently lost their jobs. One lucky rider is the conducter who would see Joe Biden's face each day as he commuted to DC from his home in Delaware. After years of providing Joe a ride to work; Joe is now giving the conducter and his family a ride they will never forget! The campaign driven by the people, continues to do everything to acknowledge those people.

Inaugural Eve Concert and Parade Bleacher Seats - Sold out In Minutes

2009-01-10T10:18:00.002-05:00

The concert, "Concert on the Eve of Change" on Monday January 19th tickets went on sale and not surprisingly, sold out all on the morning of Friday, January 9th. Warner Theater is a historic and "cozy" theater seating just over 1,800. Those who were able to get tickets will defintely enjoy the show! Jay Z's performance, along with his full band, will be a memorable night for all who attend for sure. Tickets for the unassigned bleacher seats along the Inaugural Parade route sold out on Friday, January 9th. WTOP in Washington reported that Ticketmaster sold all 5,000tickets at $25.00 each in less than one minute. Those still looking for tickets can still buy them, being sold on line. On Ebaby one seller posted 4 tickets for $2,009.09. Not having tickets to the parade only means not having a seat in the bleachers. With the parade route on Pennsylania Avenue it will be closed; for getting to the parade from Metro, the reccommended route is the 3rd Street Tunnel that runs under the mall which will be opened to pedstrians only all day. Metro site has a great MAP for those hitting the sitting via Metro and walking. Don't drive and don't count on Taxis, DC isn't New York, plus it seems as if more DC roads will be closed than opened! For the best and easiest to read resource on traffic alerts and road closures, WTOP has a great listing.

Inaugural Event Update: Verizon Center Youth Concert, Lincoln Memorial Steps & Warner Theater

2009-01-07T23:55:00.001-05:00

Monday, January 18th, Martin Luther King's Birthday is being celebrated as a day of community service. I was really excited and happy to learn that both the President and Vice-President Elect and their families will be spending part of the day performing community service in the DC area! GO OBAMA and JOE, whadda way to LEAD BY EXAMPLE. What a way to ignite interest in community service, especially to our Nation's teens. The Washington Post is reporting there are rumors of BRUCE performing on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. This Mom and her kids will definitely be there to enjoy the show, the people, the energy and the overall vibe on the mall in anticipation of the big day. "E" Online is reporting Jay Z has revealed plans to play in a "one-off" performance the evening before the inauguration, at the Warner Theater along with Mary J Blige and Diddy - all active supporters of Obama on the campaign trail. So far it has not been reported that the President Elect will be attending that show. The first ever "Inaugural Youth Concert" at the Verizon Center on the eve of the inauguration is quite the buzz among the youth of Washington, yet when first announced the only details were it would be FREE, but tickets would be required. According to Fox 5 News (Channel 5 in the DC Metro area), the ever popular Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus have been invited to perform at this concert! DC will be a sparkling city full of stars, both the political kind and those of New York and Hollywood for the weekend of events and Monday. Between the parties and events, both official and non official star gazers in DC may be able catch glimpses of all of the stars mentioned above, in addition to a wide ranging group including Sting, Elvis Costello, the Queen of Soul - Aretha Franklin, Dionne Warwick, George Clinton, Chaka Khan and Alicia Keys to Yo Yo Ma and Izhak Perlman! Rumors of Stevie Wonder and Barbara Striesand possibly performing are also floating around the city. Locals are hoping to catch site of some of the stars known for their involvement with the Creative Coalition (a group organized to bring Hollywood closer to the political scene and social causes), many of whom were very supportive of Obama throughout the campaign. Perhaps those stars in attendance at the Democratic National Convention will also be in town; that would include the likes of Susan Sarandon, Spike Lee, Anne Hathaway and Josh Lucas. Once I can get the 411 on not only HOW to get tickets for the youth concert at the VERIZON CENTER, in DC and possibly nail down some names of headliners and performers, I will post it immediately! The city is all a buzz, you can feel it in the air, one would think the ground below our feet is vibrating with the anticipation and excitement over the next 7 days!

Obama's Inauguration January 20th, Bringing Kids? - Read This First!

2009-01-06T00:28:00.001-05:00

January 20th's Inaugural Theme - "Renewing America’s Promise, Promises to be Tricky to Attend with Children Many local residents of the DC Metro area plan not only to attend the much anticipated inauguration day but to also bring their children with them. Some feel this is to great an event to miss out the opportunity to witness this historic event. While I applaud the idea of taking advantage of history in the making in your own back yard, I also need to caution those bringing younger children to be very aware this is not a baby or toddler friendly event, and it will even be a challenging event to navigate with kids. Teenagers will probably be able to hang well with the crowd, the security, the close quarters, the amount of walking and waiting at security points. But those of you with the younger half may do better joining in on some of the other celebrations, and watching the main event from the comforts of home and the ability to re-wind on your TV.

Security and event logistics that will affect those with young children significantly:

Baby bags, and any bags – will often need to be checked at different points.
Strollers will be next to impossible with these crowds and they are banned on the capitol grounds completely for the inauguration day.
Be prepared for a Porta Potty Day!
Changing centers, "parent rooms" for the most part will not be available on the mall. And there will not be any on the West side of the capitol for those attending the swearing in ceremony.
Umbrellas are not allowed – so if you do come, bring ponchos and other rain appropriate gear.
Bringing your own food for the day will also be tricky – organizers are only allowing "snack sized" food but, no coolers or thermoses are allowed. In addition no food will be provided inside the security perimeter.
Backpacks and baby carriers are also prohibited, your child will have to walk alongside or you will have to carry your child for the day.
For those families lucky enough to have secured a ticket remember: mom and dad’s tickets do not "cover" their children (even sitting in laps) your child must have a ticket also.
Children should be prepared for a lot of walking that day, as most of the roads surrounding the area will be closed. There will be no parking available on Capitol Hill.
As much as your children may want to make a sign or poster in celebration of the day; they will not be allowed, so perhaps put them on the fridge at home.
Weather is often in the low to mid 30’s and quite often drizzly.

Other events to consider attending with kids:

On Saturday, January 17 - Obama, Biden and their families will travel by train to Washington, DC and will host events along the way in Philadelphia, Wilmington, and Baltimore. More details will be announced regarding each stop and the event planned there.

On Monday the 19th: An Inaugural Eve Concert for America's Children - A free youth concert will be held at the Verizon Center. The concert will be free, but tickets will be required.
On Tuesday, January 20th at 2:30 the Inauguration Parade begins. No Tickets are not required. *Please note you won’t be allowed to lineup along the parade route to stake out your spot before 7a.m. Location: Pennsylvania Avenue, NW Washington, DC Viewing stands and bleachers will extend from 3rd to 17th Streets

Actual swearing in Ceremony begins at 11:30 am on the West Front Lawn and Capitol steps. Large screens are also being provided for people attending who are on the Mall. Aretha Franklin will be singing and legendary musicians Itzhak Perlman (Violin), Yo-Yo Ma (Cello), Gabriela Montero (Piano), Anthony McGill (Clarinet) will also be performing! Wow, what a line up.

Be sure to check the METRO site for all updated schedules and changes, they are expected ginormous record breaking crowds!
Check weather forecast and dress appropriately.
Eat a good meal before you come down!

This is an incredible and wonderful, historic event. If your children are old enough to understand the significance, but perhaps not old enough to realize just how important a milestone this is in our history, pull out some books and pictures of the 60's during the race equality struggles and conflicts and share with them just how far we've come!

Let them know how it took police officers escorting the first black young girl to the first integrated school in the south and the drama surrounding the first black college students attending a previous all white college.

Tell your kids all about the struggle our country has gone through to evolve to the point of accepting all people regardless of race, creed or religion as equal members of our society.

Show them pictures and tell them the stories surrounding the amazing lives of Rosa Park, Martin Luther King and Harriet Tubman, and the stand they took against the grain of society in order to demand their rights as people in a democratic society.

Regardless of your political affiliation, overall as a culture and community, this is a cause for celebration; our society has risen to the occasion and has changed history by casting their votes!

Happy Inauguration Day!

At the Right Place at the Right Time

2009-01-04T20:25:00.000-05:00

Have you ever heard or seen something a number of times, but then, one day you hear it or see it differently... and suddenly you get it. I mean you really get it, you see it so clearly you feel like the times you saw or heard it before you had been underwater or had been living with gauze over your eyes. I had one of those moments today after a movie. I guess I was in the right place at the right time; a place of "open-mindedness" that enabled me to see things clearly for the first time in a long time. Saying I'm seeing things more clearly means I was able to truly see the culture that we've created in a realistic and straightforward way. This is somewhat hard to explain; please be patient with me and stick with me, I think I'll be able to get the right sentiment across. But believe me when I say I am not speaking from any specific "brand" of a soapbox. Just the rumblings of things in my head that finally got too loud to ignore! I am not a pessimist or anti-American, staunch conservative, or left wing liberal by any standards. While registered to vote, I don't necessarily follow the party line; I usually vote whichever position seems to me the right thing to do. I do go to church, but rely on my core faith and spirituality to guide me as much as my chosen religion. Today, in my moment of clarity, I was your average member of the human race: not white, yellow, brown or black, republican or democrat, not any particular religion, not married, single, mother or childless not wealthy or poor, just an average person who finally had the back bone to open my eyes to the sides of our culture that aren't very pretty. Please know on an individual level I see heroes everyday, I witness incredible acts of generosity and kindness. I am amazed at the American entrepreneurial spirit. Our ability to create incredible pieces of art, music, architecture, etc. blows me away. We have built a strong and capable country that has accomplished a multitude of wonderful things, made revolutionary discoveries and has shared much of what has been given to us. It's just....

We also have an ego problem.

Today, loud and clearly, I heard that voice in my head which I managed to ignore more often than not because it was easier to look the other way. Why do we think our way is the only way, why do we preach one thing and then stifle the voices that don't sing the exact same tune as ours. For instance, we all love our children, we pretty much agree our children are our future and most precious commodity. Yet, the sales of processed foods targeted at kids are higher than ever. Doctors regularly prescribe un-necessary anti-antibiotics, ultimately weakening our children's resistance. Daycare providers and teachers across the country - who spend almost as many waking hours with children as their parents do - are underpaid and not usually rewarded on a merit basis. In order to keep their jobs they are often resorting to "teach to the tests" in order to "meet the required numbers," not leaving them a whole lot of time to teach to the child. Our earth's bill of health is not good and now its hip and cool to be green; yet on an average day you can't always see the horizon, or mountains that are a few miles away due to smog in the air. The number of asthma cases seem to increase on a yearly basis. Due to our disposable culture land fills are overflowing with plastic. Glaciers are disappearing before our eyes and river beds are drying up, and the E.P.A. is one of the least respected federal agencies in our government. Corporations and manufacturing are not regulated or held accountable consistently for their by product waste. After years of resistance, automobile manufacturers are beginning to embrace the hybrid car, yet our internal infrastructure and public transportation is not up to par and the train service on a national level is on the cusp of their very existence. The food that we grow in our country that feeds our population and others is regulated by the very department that was originally set up to protect the farmers and ranchers, growing the food, creating a constant conflict of interest. Girls are maturing earlier than ever as evidenced by the average age of menstruation getting younger and younger. Yet hormones continue to be injected into cattle and chickens to create larger animals that produce more milk and make larger breasts (and those aren't just the chicken's breasts as a result). On a national level we donate incredible amounts of money to our charities, yet we are the exception to the rule, most Americans living better than 92% of the rest of the world. Is it horrible to consider strategies that would help distribute the wealth? Doesn't it make socioeconomic sense? More wealth in the hands of more people creates more consumers. Isn't one of the common denominators at the root of most wars, uprisings, civil conflicts, suicide bombers all the same? Hunger. Hunger for food, relationships, education, health care. I forget who wrote it, but once I read it I never forgot it, "a hungry man starts a revolution." We have a spew of sex and violence not just on our TV and in movies and the music scene, which I agree, we can turn off if desired; but also on billboards, magazines, prime time TV and electronic games and then we are shocked at the increased levels of violence and sexual assaults and crimes. People preach to go back to church, embrace your faith (which, as a side note: I do), but then we tend to judge certain faiths more harshly. Or people who enthusiastically live their faith are branded as way out of touch. The importance of family time, is universally accepted; but the majority of families in our nation are robbed of this opportunity because their parents have to work shifts at different times in order to keep a roof over their heads. The multitude of books written about relationships reflects the high standards we have regarding our relationships, yet our divorce rate is still very high. We are told to love our neighbors, and then we quickly define what the so called "normal" love is, or even try to legislate who you should, or should not, love. We punish petty criminals both legally and socially with more ferociousness than we do the white collar criminals who ruin the lives of many with the stroke of a pen, or phone call, or computer transaction, by stealing their homes or dreams of ever owning a home. Not only do we not always send these people to prison, we actually pay them an incredible bonus on the way out the door. We fight wars to protect democracy and freedoms; but then look the other way when the victims don't have a rich natural product or other commercial equity in their country. I am not trying to bash Americans. I am only hoping to shake us up a bit and look around us and see some of the lack of social justice,overall inequalities and mistakes we have made. Open our eyes to the daily dichotomy we live in. Can we evolve our thinking enough to make the necessary changes and hopefully repair some of the damage? Can we open our minds enough to understand that just because it's the way we've always done it, doesn't necessarily make it right? Can we handle the fact that we aren't always going to be the alpha dog on the block? There is a new man coming to town, (I live in a DC suburb) who got here on a tidal wave of grass roots support, who embraced technology and new ways to do things, who campaigned on a message of change, will the American public be up to the challenge of what true change would require? Will we be able to modify our lifestyles, our desires (not needs,) but desires when it makes sense to do so? Can we re-build our infrastructure to support the present population and the diversity that comes with it? I'd like to think so. I'd like to think that the people who overcame disease and famine and dust bowls and hurricanes and the civil unrest can also belly up to the bar and do whats right and what is necessary to be the superpower type country we claim to be. I mentioned hunger as the reason revolutions are started. I think it's time that more Americans hunger equality on numerous levels, and use that hunger to start a really cool revolution of change. The Internet has already proven itself as a serious vehicle to carry the message of change. I'm excited to see what role the Internet and the millions of users who embrace it will play in the next decade, hopefully a decade of change for the good. From my perspective there is lots of room to do good here, and lots of good people to do it. Will you be one of them? How will you change? What are you willing to do to embrace and encourage change. Think about it, it's important.

Teen Parenting Series #7 - The Importance of Letting Your Teen Fail

2008-12-30T23:54:00.002-05:00

I realize that initially this idea of letting your teen fail sounds counter-productive. As parents, we are supposed to provide our children with a successful environment, a value and morals system in order for them not to fail, right? Obviously, it is important to provide all of the above. Invariably though, our children will fail, they will stumble and fall. The key is, how we respond to these situations. As our response will set the bar with our children, on how they will respond to their mistakes and/or failures. There are times you will see that Johnny is about to create a sticky situation for himself, and as hard as it is, we need to know that there are situations that he needs to experience the "crash" to learn the lesson involved. If we swoop in everytime he is going to make a mistake, or fail a class, or screw up a good thing, how will he ever learn to recover? How will he ever learn the ramifications of his actions? It is important to let him fail and feel it first hand now and then. If we jump in before he even saw where he was headed, have we really helped him (or her)? Does this mean ingore all the warning signs of bad behavoir or a change in behavoir? No. But it also doesn't mean run to his side everytime he screws up. Simple humanity 101 - people screw up. If you're lucky, you learn from your screw up. If your parent buffers too much on your behalf, you are being robbed of your opportunity to learn. If you've read my prior posts you're probably getting used to my parental mantra:

"Stuff happens. How you respond to it, defines who you are as a person."

Like anything in life, our teens need the opportunity to learn how to respond; and like most things, they will first learn it from our actions. Which is why our response to their mistakes or failures is so important.

If we overreact and succumb to that emotional knee jerk response of, "how could you do this," or the classic, "after all we've done for you," (as if it were all about us), we totally missing the boat on a great teaching opportunity. That is, teaching our children how to respond accordingly.

Parents who constantly respond to the normal kid screw ups and mistakes with lectures along the lines of - how their teen's actions have negated everything they have worked for, that nothing will be the same, etc., are setting their teens up for a life of dissapointment; they have set the "how you respond to mistakes in life" bar very low for their teen. (Granted, there are times that perhaps those ltypes of lectures are needed, I'm not referring to those situations ie., breaking a law, committing an act of violence, etc.,) Teens who constantly hear those lectures every time they trip up tend to be so AFRAID of failing, even making a mistake, end up being too afraid to take the risk of possibly being wrong.

These teens tend to stay in the boundries of their "safety net."
They resist thinking out side the box.
They become content with always playing it safe, at the creeky old age of 15!
They will miss out on the thrill of victory outside of your comfort zone.
They will not feel the reward of risk return.
They won't strive for anything that is beyond their reach - in other words, if they don't have a pretty failproof gurantee of the outcome, then they won't go for it.

Another classic response to your teens mistakes/failures is the "helicopter parent."

This parent hovers and swoops in at the first sign of distress. They quickly find ways to justify their child's actions, ultimately making the conclusionit wasn't their child's fault. They completely nullify any of the ramifications of their teen's choice or actions. The child is prevented from being accountable, and therefore never learns the lesson: for all actions there are reactions. It's never "their fault." These children are truly being done a dis-service and will have a hard time when they are not under the protective umbrella of their parent's running interference for them. These teens tend to:

Never have a true understanding of their actions and how they affect others.
Do not have a realistic understanding of accountability.
Have a hard time understanding why others won't want to work with them.
Challenging times ahead for them on their first job.
Won't feel the enpowerment that comes with leadership, as those who can't be accountable for themselves are seldom put in positions of leadership and accountability for their group or team, etc.,
Rules and boundries don't mean the same to them, and so it will be a constant struggle for them in this area.
Tend to feel everyone is out to "get" them, when others point out their mistakes or failures.
Will not handle losing a game, a bad test, or any kind of failure very well; simply because they have not been given the chance to learn how to do so.

So the next time your teen screws up - focus more on what they learned from it, or how they responded to it. Did they run away from the problem, and didn't accept any responsiblity for it? Then point out how their actions or choices created the situation, and what could they do differently next time. Most importantly, hold them accountable.

Or, if your child "steps up" and accepts responsibility for their actions? Then, even in this time of failure, there is success! They have learned, and therefore grown from their mistake. They will be stronger for having gone through it. That is the teen that is less likely to repeat their mistakes.

From my perspective, the teen that has parents who are strong enough to let go and let them fall because they loved them enough to know a little hurt now, prevents a lot of hurt later, is the teen that will grow up to live life to the fullest. They will not be afraid to think out of the box, and they will reach beyond what is "guaranteed" to get what they want in life!

ThirTEEN Fun Ways to Hang with Your Teens! - Teen Parenting Series #6

2008-12-21T10:56:00.000-05:00

Quick guide to activities your teens may actually want to do with you! Teen Tip of the Day - Make it their day with you, not your day with them. Know what I mean? Perhaps asking them to go antiquing with you for "time together" isn't the best idea, doesn't really say, "hey, I wanna hang out with you." Because parents, the sooner you face it, the easier life is: in their world, from their perspective... it is all about them. Especially when it comes to their time and presence. You want in? Jump in to their world for awhile. More time together opens the door to them stepping in to your world once in awhile!

Challenge another family of similar ages to a paint ball challenge.
Lazer tag, "the rents vs. kids," have lunch together afterwards.
Have a "hang out" at your house, not necessarily a party, just a bunch of their closest friends. Movies, TV, chips, m&ms... have a few games out and about... your being there to get more food etc.,... your in on it, your chatting with them and their friends...
Weather still decent? Host a neighborhood "manhunt" game. Bad weather? Play poker.
Flag football in the back.
Bowling - lots of towns have new "hip" bowling alleys, in our area its 300 and Lucky Strike Lanes.
Go to the Movies.
Learn to play PS2, Wii or DDR - DDR will get you in shape too! I know I've tried and died!
Take 'em shopping for the other parent.
Take them out practice driving for those with learners, or about to get learners.
Ask them to teach you to make those cool backgrounds they have on their facebooks.
Give the dog a bath together.... always makes for good pics!
Help them paint and/or decorate their room - the way THEY want it painted - it's only paint!

Parental Slip-Up Warning: Don't blow it by spending the time asking a gazillion questions, just hang... you'll be surprised what slips out, what little gifts of knowledge about their world they slip in here and there.

Even though I've posted what I consider 13 great ways to hang; I'm always looking for new ideas... always looking for a new and different, creative way to connect without "crowding" my three teens.

With my oldest preparing to go away to college, I admit, It's freaking me out a little.

In a way it is the beginning of the "end!" The end of him living here, of this being HIS home, the end of seeing him every day, even if its just for a moment or two.

So... I'm on a quest - I'm searching to gather as many "cool" fun ways to hang with him that aren't smothering him, and ways to get more time with my other two before they fly the coop too.

Feels like a took a nap and forgot to wake up! When did our kids, my babies, turn into grown people?

If you could post your ideas in the comments section, I will gather all for one nice long list and post here!

From my perspective, it helps to have a village expand my world and therefore, my perception.

Thanks for reading!

A Parent's Confession - The Best Holiday Present...Our Presence in Our Children's Lives

2008-12-20T13:52:00.001-05:00

After "staying home" with the kids for 16 years of mommyhood, I had to go back to work outside the house. Working out of the house has really brought home the meaning and importance of OUR PRESENCE in OUR CHILDRENS lives. The suction cup of time at work is very sneaky. At first it's only because of a "big project." Then, word gets out, you get "projects" done! Then it's a compliment, wow, they are asking me to be a part of this big initiative, how cool is that. Of course you are very protective of your family time, and vow the first time your late to a game not to let that happen again! That first time, you just couldn't help it - you never planned to miss a game, hey you've been to 254 of them, missing one isn't too bad right? That first weekend you went into work on the weekend, just to wrap up a few things so it wouldn't be so crazy during the week and that way you'll be home everynight on time - well that made sense, right? This is a heart wrenching post for me to write. Because the trap described above - it snarred me, and had me captive for almost a year. In a way, beginning this blog was the first step towards seeing the trap and working towards breaking free. I mean, good gosh, this was me we're talking about! For years I had been: the mom who was car-pool queen, staff appreciation, team mom, the mom the other kids could talk to, who always had a cooler full of water, gatorade, snacks, extra t-shirts, shorts, soccer socks, etc., The mom who made goofy fun little gifts for sports dinners, volunteered to be the driver on the soccer/lax/basketball road trip (hey you learn a lot about your kid's lives in the car), the mom who kids on other teams from other states and schools knew as oh yea, thats, ______'s mom. (I've promised to never use actual names of family members to protect both the guilty and the innocent!). Trust me, I'm not trying to blow my own horn. Truth be told, I'm blowing the whistle on myself. Because last night as I left my office at 11:45 pm, I violently woke up from a corporate, bleary eyed, hangover of a nightmare and realized I'd lost myself in all this hustle to impress, earn the bucks and feel good about myself, that I still had "it." As I thought how did this happen I looked back... It began with a noble cause; making sure no matter what college accepted my kids we would have the back up income to make it happen. Plus, when I had worked before, I had done some really cool things. Never though, was my mission to be able to finance stuff, good gosh we've got too much stuff -- all of us, I believe carry that extra weight. At first the kids enjoyed the little extra 'freedom' they found themselves with. 2 out of 3 were in their teens, and the 3rd was about to be. We checked in daily at first on the phone and I'd hear all about their day, and encourage the homework, etc., I'd hear them say, you should see where my mom works - it's so cool there! I was on top of the world, Gloria Steinham would be so proud of me! We women, we CAN have it all! HA - thats a bad joke on me, at my kids expense. We can strive for it all, we can want it all, but I don't think, no - change that I know FOR ME, I'm talented enough to really BALANCE it all. Luckily for me, they had just said at our staff meeting a lot of find the balance talk, so it was my perfect opportunity. And so, last night at 11:45 ish, I powered back up and wrote something to this effect to my boss(es): Dear ____: I simply can't continue to do this, nor will I continue to work at this pace. I know our industry is experiencing the toughest year probably in history since the depression. And I know we all are expected to do our part. But this can't continue. I can't and I won't keep going at this pace, it's not good for my family, for me, or in the end for work. No one stretched this thin is going to be able to continue to keep the output at our required level of quality. It seems that for the last 3-4 months I have been directly involved in every "firestorm" that has hit our firm. Each of you are supportive and wonderful at listening, but for the most part, your in the same boat, and nothing changes. If I weren't going on two weeks of vacation tonight, I would be putting in for mental health days. I'm am fried, stretched thin and burned out. I took these two weeks off to re-introduce myself to my family, I'm not sure they remember who I am.

Because I AM, first and foremost a mother to my children and wife to my husband. Bein a great wife and mother makes me a better person, and eventually a better staff member, because being this, makes me a happier person.

Happy people work better than anyone. We just heard a "find the balance speech" and I am using this time off to clear the air at my desk from the old me, old schedule, old expectations. I will need to say "no" more, I may have to push back on deadlines more. Perhaps, ultimately this will show those above, that perhaps our staffing does need to be re-visited. The way we are working, we are enablers. We are giving the impression that it's working out this way, and it's not. I promise to come back re-freshed, re-energized and re-committed to my family's goals and values, please don't expect a comprimise when it comes to this. If you feel this is unacceptable, than perhaps we need to have a discussion when I get back. I think you will quickly see it's the better way to work. At least I hope I do. Happy Holidays, Me The first to return the email - one of the "high up guys." Thanks for all your hard work. Go home, have a great vacation, have fun with your kids. See you in the new year. Phew! that felt good. So, dear readers, it seems I'm slowly gathering a few of you who do read this. Today it seems, you have become my confessional; so I ask you, please forgive me, don't judge me; as we all fall down and pick ourselves up again. Maybe hearing this will wake someone elses bad dream and help them. Perhaps it will make others of you all the more grateful for what you have. I've apologized to my family, I think they understood how it kind of snuck up on me, and that I was never trying to stay away from them. I thought I was keeping my eye on the ball - helping to support my family, but man did I get tackled and trashed big time by a linebacker of a job! (Okay we are a sportsy family). Admitting this was hard. I needed to be accountable. I needed my children to see that sometimes the best of intentions can be pushed off course.

We all need our children to know that we mess up too.

This is the way the learn how to be accountable,

how to pick themselves up, how to apologize and how to ask forgiveness.

There is no Accountability 101 class at school. These are the lessons of life, lessons that are our responsiblity to teach them. Our actions do speak louder than words. Our actions are long remembered after the talks. For Christmas this year, we had to cut back on the stuff (isn't everyone). Aside from finance, heck - do we really need the stuff - nah. Decrease our footprint and all that.... This year my best present is my presence. Ten un-interrupted days of family time. No crackberry, no email, no nuthin! We're hanging out together (whether they want to or not!) SMILES. I know this is a very long post, but from my perspective it was too important to skimp on. If anything, I needed to do it to un-burden my heart, ease the load, pick myself up and go be a better mom, wife and person. Thank you for reading. Go hug someone you love. They probably need it, and so do you. We all do.

Good Morning America and the Warm Coats & Warm Hearts Coat Drive- Gives You a Reason to Clean Out Your Closets!

2008-12-15T17:30:00.001-05:00

While you are busy hiding gifts for your kids in the closet these next two weeks, look inside and grab a coat or two that you haven’t worn in years, or that the kids have outgrown and consider bringing it to the Good Morning America’s Times Square Studio or a Burlington Coat Factory near you. Good Morning America, together with their partner - retailer, Burlington Coat Factory are holding their Warm Coats, Warm Hearts Coats Drive in partnerhsip with the non-profit organization One Warm Coat. All coats collected are distributed to people in need at no cost! This 2nd Annual Event kicked off November 24th and runs through January 16th.

Think about where you live; think what the temperature will be tonight, then try to envision how it would feel without a coat, or sweater or at least a jacket. Thousands of people spend their evenings without these basic necessities every night! This link will help you find the closest Burlington Coat Factory to you! All types of outer wear are accepted: sweaters, hats, gloves, sweatshirts and jackets. With three teenagers in my house, I KNOW I have extra of all of the above that they have grown out of in recent growth spurts! Get your kids involved have them go through the mitten, hat and scarf drawers, let them pick out things to donate. If you have teenagers who can drive, encourage them to be a part of this, after scouring their closets, let them drive and drop off your donations. (They are always looking for reasons to borrow the keys anyway). Let them be a part of this and feel the warm fuzzy you get after dropping off at something like this! If you donated last year – hats off to you; but don’t feel too complacent, according to the Good Morning America, the need for these staples has only increased since their last drive.

From the GMA Website, “Since 2008 started we have seen the number of people coming in increase by 44 percent from 450 families per week to 650 families, and it is continuing to increase," said Paul J. Haagsman, of, In the Image, in Grand Rapids, Mich., which last year distributed more than 8,000 winter coats.”

With over 400 Burlington Coat Factories throughout the country, very few people will have an excuse that they didn’t have anywhere to drop off donations. IF you happen to NOT live very close to a drop off location, consider dropping off the same clothing at a Goodwill location, a just as worthy place to support.

From my perspective, with so much negative news lately regarding huge multi-million dollar corporations, it is heartwarming to see such large corporations have a heart and help this great organization, One Warm Coat while reaching out to their communities this way. Thanks for reading!

Hey, if Diane and Robin support the cause, it’s got be worthwhile! They are my two very favorite morning talk show personalities, so good in fact, they often cause me to be late for my job!

All pictures from GMA website.

SEND HOLIDAY LOVE TO OUR TROOPS! - A Great Family Project for the Holidays

2008-12-14T19:08:00.001-05:00

Being a former military wife, I know as hard as it was to be the family at home without your husband, or wife, dad or mom its even HARDER to be the one away. This holiday season, why not make it a family project to reach out to those troops who cannot be home in the warmth of their home and family love for the holidays. Send emails to the troops! As a family, have each person write what they want to say to the troops to thank them, to pray for them, to entertain them... anything that will show them our love and support this holiday season. The Office of the Assistant Secretary of Defense for Public Affairs, Community Relations, fosters public awareness and understanding of Department of Defense (DoD) missions; and sponsor this site, so you know it will get to our men and women in the military serving overseas. Below is a sample of an email sent... click here to read more emails that have been sent to those serving. It doesn't have to be that long, a minimum of 10 words is all they ask. 10 words/30 seconds, such a minimum investment of time with a huge ROI.

Dear Soldier; This letter comes to you from a nursing home in Rochester, Minnesota. At our facility, there are several veterans who have come together today to express their appreciation for your service and dedication, and to let you know that they truly understand what it means to be in your position. Most of our veterans served during WWII and the Korean war. Some did not see action, some were on the front lines. The men here want you to know how important it is to them that you have stepped up to defend the country they once defended. They are proud to be veterans, and although they fought in a different time, a different place and almost seemingly a different world, they understand what you do and why you do it. Veterans of Golden Living Center, Rochester, Minn.

For all my twitter friends, you can also post a twitter using the #HolidayLuv Hash tag. On Decmember 20th, I will gather all messages posted with the tag and send all of them to the troops. Lets show everyone that people in this "E-world" support them! We have the opportunity to show the world the power of people who link together to show LOVE and support; our troops will be amazed and they will know just how much support is out there for them! Click here to access the message template to send our troops HOLIDAY LOVE from all over the country (and world, for that matter). Agree with the war or not, it is that time of year when we should all promote Peace on Earth and Goodwill toward Men (and women!). Operation Phone Home is sponsored USO - an organization supporting our troops in ways you would never imagine! My personal favorite is sending the USO financial donations that go directly towards purchasing Phone Cards for the troops do be able to call home and hear their children and spouse's voices. Click the link and choose "specified donation" to choose which effort you want to support. Letters, packages, and emails are always great, but there is something special about HEARING your loved one's voices, the next best thing to being with them. From my perspective, a few minutes out of your day, will brighten many days for those who need to feel the strength that comes from KNOWING you are loved and supported.

TEEN Gifts - Be Creative, From Twilight to Surf Camp and Everything in Between!

2008-12-10T23:17:00.001-05:00

A quick guide with recommendations on gifts for teen girls and boys that are creative, ranging from affordable to extravagant, and always fun!

Feeling frustrated roaming the malls looking for that something special for your teen? Finding it harder and harder to find that perfect "ta-dah" present? Shopping for teens can be crazy, they either want everything, or your teen has no answer to the cheerfully offered, "so, whats on your list to Santa this year?" "I dunnos" are followed by "whatever," only to be concluded with "clothes?" While I love the thrill of locating that perfect gift, the gift you know will totally make their morning, I also know when that "perfect" gift just isn't to be found, there is a lot of fun in being a little crazy and creative. Teen boys and girls who love the ocean will love this idea. If you can afford to get really wild and crazy and your teen tends to get bored in the summer, think "board" as in SURF BOARD or Surf Camp!

Creative use of those stockings hung by the chimmney with care, can be the perfect home for gift certificates to fun places:

Last year we stuffed stockings with gift certificates from Chipotle -- I haven't been to a Chipolte lately and haven't seen 50 teenagers lined up for chow, my boys loved that card. Baja Fresh, Dominoes, Panera and Red Robin have also been very popular with my kids (and their friends!) Not sure if there are any teen girls who haven't seen Twilight yet; for those who have seen the movie, I'm thinking the replica of Twilight's Roasalie's necklace would be a guaranteed hit! Twilight Posters and Twiglight T-shirts are also a pretty safe bet right now, with the younger teen girls especially. If there are kids out there that haven't seen Twilight yet, Movie Theater gift certificates are always appreciated teen boys and girls!

My thirteen year old daughter would flip for a Sephora Gift Certificate. My teen girl is also a great bargain bidder and I recently saw that you can purchase gift cards for EBAY! No arguments on bidding, she has her own purchasing power on Ebay with that gift card!

Teenage girls who love a day at the mall would love getting a few hours with a personal shopper helping them create that perfect look! Maybe your teen girl is more of a Project Runway type of girl, try a gift with a creative spin on it, like designing her own purse! The love affair between teenagers and music continues in the new millenium. What teen boys and teen girls don't have and Ipod anymore? I tunes gift cards are always welcomed in our house. Tickets to a concert with their favorite band. Skullcandy Earbuds are on sale for $9.99 at my always favorite Target! Aside from things, and certificates to get things, I think giving memories, or events, can be a fun option for that teen that has everything, or wants everything, or doesn't know what they want at all! Local College Sporting Events can be fun! Are you close to a local sports arena that hosts any of your city's professional sports teams? You would be suprised how easy it can be to write to the marketing department of a sports team and get an autographed picture of a player. Or get tickets to the big game! If your in a snowy part of the country, try giving a crazy ski hat and gloves with Ski Lift Tickets inside the hat for your local ski resort for a fun day in the snow! "Home made" gift certificates allow you to personalize a bit. Try giving your kid a day of paintballing with 2 friends on a paint splattered "gift certificate" hand made from mom and dad. Or, if you really like a showstopper, consider giving a Limo for the night. (One of my friends got that for her son, who promptly "saved" it for prom!). For teens in college - college themed gifts are fun - and useful. I'm getting my college boy some much needed new clothes, the gift box will be a "cool looking" laundry basket, on top will be two rolls of quarters, and right beside the basket will be a big thing of laundry soap. The gift card is going to be a laminated Laundry Instructions guide. The poor kid has zero white clothing left in his closet and drawers at school. For that matter, if the kid needs dorm supplies, all kinds of dorm living materials can always be found at Bed Bath and Beyond. Now that all college kids have their own laptops and/or computers at school - an office type trashcan filled with office supplies for their dorm room is helpful too - printer paper, ink cartridges, highlighters, stapler, clips etc, My favorite teen gift I'm giving this year is to my new college kid; a poster sized blow up of a picture of him with his tight group of buddies that have been friends since Junior High and still continue to be just like a big 'ole pack of bear cubs together. That picture, I think.... will be my "ta-dah" Christmas morning, that simple picture of friendship and laughter might just elicit a 7 year old's happy grin - on my 18 year old boy/man's face. A moms reward, a happy smile.

From my perspective, that is the joy of Christmas! Giving an ear to ear grin to someone you love with all your heart!

Teen Parenting Series Topic Five - When the Best Communication Strategy is to Be Quiet

2008-12-10T00:27:00.001-05:00

People often forget that listening is the "other half" of communicating. Sometimes you are saying the most, when you aren't saying anything at all; you are simply listening. Often, when given time, a teen will suddenly remember they do know how to speak, and they do have something to say.... even to you, their parent! By simply listening to what they have to say you are telling your teen, that you care enough to let them get it all out, to let them say what is on their mind; even when whats on their mind, takes a few minutes to surface, form words, accumulate volume and be articulated to you, their parent. There will be times that this sudden use of words to express how they feel will arrive at inopportune moments. You will need to do your best to squelch that feeling and be there to listen to your child. Sincerely listen. Implement A.L.T.U strategy if needed to help you keep your focus on your teen, and what they are saying. (Actively Listening To Understand - not just hear them, but LISTEN to them). An example could be when your child hops in the car as you pick them up from a friends house. The parent that immediately starts in with a string of (innocently enough asked) questions, is only rewarded with a few grunts meaning yea, and shoulder shrugs indicating I don't know, and wild eye movements - indicating OMG NO, will be wildly dissappointed with the mono-syballic "conversation" she has with her teen. Contrastly the parent that may quietly offer a "hey kiddo" as their teen jumps in, given some time, will likely be rewarded with a bone of knowledge - something that occured at their friends house, or something someone said to them on the bus that day. The key here is creating a successful enviornment. To open up, most teens need to feel safe and free from judgement, intended or not. Creating a buffer of silence between arriving in car with parent, and when they decide to open up a bit and possibly even share about their day is key! This way your child feels that they are deciding to communicate to you on their terms. They will then feel more in control of the conversation and offering information about their life, versus the feeling that you are expecting them to fill in the gaps and all the missing pieces to the puzzle of their life. Your teen will feel empowered by having the choice to communicate to you, instead of being defensive due to the overwhelming feeling of your being too demanding in wanting them to communicate. Put anyone on the defense, and they usually push back and/or lash out. Empowered by the feeling of talking on their terms, the teen may offer more than you ever would have pulled out of her regarding the latest break up or conflict in her life, or ......(fill in the blanks appropriate to your child!). Carpool is another prime opportunity to be quiet! You will learn more about your child's day through the interactions of your child and their peers. With time, if you are very good at mastering being invisible, your child will forget that you are in the car, and they will open up to their friends. This way, if down the road you ask about that one girl and the hard time they were having together, you won't see her physically "shutting you out" or looking at you like you were crazy, you know nothing about this, so why would I even begin to share with you look. Because they will know you were in the car, and that they did talk about Susie Q that day in the car, with this in mind, you will probably get that look of, well, ya know that Susie Q and all she has done, well..... and the conversation flows as long as the teen is comfortable sharing. Remember kids don't really want you to be their "best friend," heck, sometimes they don't even want you to be their sounding board. It's our job as parents to gauge what they really need from us in each specific moment, as it will change day to day. So they don't need you to feel in the silence gaps with mommie (or daddie) jibber jabber. They need to feel comfortable with who they are and who they are with in order to communicate to others what they are really "feeling." From my perspective, there are times when the ages old adage is absolutely correct, "Silence is Golden." Those who are actively listening to understand their children will come away alot more richer than those who simply hear their kids "talking." Have you talked to your kid today? Seriously - talked? Not chatted, not hows your day wrap up summary to the daily family show, to be aired same time, same place tomorrow, but truly talked to them, and listened to what they had to say to you? Teen talk tip today? Don't always try to fill in the awkward silence, it could be the catalyst to your teen opening up a little to you.

Macy's Believes in the Make A Wish Foundation

2008-12-08T01:19:00.001-05:00

Give a child the gift of joy of a wish come true this holiday season. With a simple Letter to Santa from your child! Each year, thousands of children across the United States eagerly write their letters to Santa. This year, bring your child to the closest Macys, and let them mail their letter to Santa in the Macys' North Pole mailbox.

For each letter mailed from Macys, they will make a $1.00 donation to

The Make-A-Wish Foundation

Do you believe in Santa?

Macys does, and they believe in the

kindess of their customers!

Simply bring your letters, stamped and addressed to Santa at the North Pole, drop them in the official R.H. Macy Red Santa Letter Box at the Belive Station in any Macys during the holiday season.

In the iconic words of Francis P. Church, the journalist that responded to eight year old Virignia's letter in 1897,

"..Yes Virgina, their is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist..."

Now that is a gift all children in the world need to recieve: the message in our words and in our actions that clearly tells them that believing in love and generosity is most certainly worth their while. As they grow up and become young adults, they will continue to recieve the joy in this gift as they, in turn, reach out to others just as you showed them how when they were young.

Do you want to give more to Make-A-Wish? Simply click on this link to find out more ways you can help this organization make wishes come true. http://www.wish.org/help/macy_s_believe.

While visiting the site, download some letterhead for your kids to write to Santa and take a look at where we stand on the "Believe" meter of goodwill and generosity.

From my perspective, when you have an easy win-win opportunity, you should take advantage of it, especially when it involves helping a child's wish come true.

For a Macys Store Location near you: http://www1.macys.com/store/locator/index.ognc tore/locator/index.ognc

*image from www.macys.com

Topic Four Teen Parenting Series - How to Dodge the Bullet of Teen Nagging

2008-12-06T02:41:00.001-05:00

Many of the articles I post here are from things I've read about and learned over the years. Not so with today's post. This is just my pure gut feeling and instinct with respect to the nagging or whining teens tend to do and why they often fall into doing this as a matter of habit. If you leave my blog with anything from this article, please have it be this: CONSISTENCY. Maintaining a consistent value system, rules of the house, and line of communication between your teen and your self is KEY. The parent who is easily swayed, is often nagged. Nagging or whining is simply a means to acquire the desired end result.

Once the behavoir is rewarded with what they wanted, you might as well get the dog food out for Pavlov's pooch. The kid has heard your bell, and is salivating at the thought of getting what he or she wanted.
If nagging got it the last time they wanted something, they will sure as heck do it again. If your teen knows whining wears you down faster than anything....be prepared for the siren sounding whine your teen knows how to make to get you to cave early.

Parents also need to be consistent in their response, be on the same page on what (for the most part - never say NEVER), is acceptable and reasonable requests within their household.

If your teen manages to divide Mom and Dad, you will most certainly fall, divided you are always weaker and they zero in on this like shark going for blood.

Set realistic expectations in a firm but loving way. For example, if you were taking just about ANY teenage girl between the ages of 13 and 16 to the mall:

Almost guaranteed their expectations of that shopping trip will be much different from yours.
If you don't adjust those expectations; you are creating your own misery.
Give your teen an enviornment to be successful in. A successful brother, sister or child.
By setting the expectation first (as in before you go inside the mall), you are dodging the nagging bullet.
When you are very clear and concise about what the purpose of this trip to the mall is, you have given them a clear expectation and you are giving them an environment to be successful in.

This is one of the best things I've ever done with my daugther prior to a trip to her mecca. Now shopping trips are fun; a time to bond, chat and enjoy each other's company. I am the first to admit, this wasn't always so. The majority of the time it was my fault by not being consistent, so she always had a glimmer of hope that maybe this time, if she asked often enough, or spun me around enough she would get that ______ (fill in blank with the latest "MUST HAVE") desire of a 13 year old girl.

Always, always try to keep in mind:

In relationships communication is KEY! Informed people are confident people.

An uniformed person's imagination is usually worse than the reality of the situation.

By not communicating clearly and leaving too much to the imagination you have given your teen no option but to fill in the blanks themselves. In the case of our example, you will have a battle on your hands from the time your feet hit the tile of the mall.

It doesn't have to be this way. Nagging for things, and whining about what we don't get isn't really acceptable behavoir.

Then why do we find ourselves faced with it more than we would like?

It occurs when: there is disparity on what parents allow and don't allow, when there hasn't been a lot of straight talk between parent and child, and when teens aren't clear on what to expect and not expect.

Teens, like ourselves, only want to know what the scoop is whats the 411, etc, Making them guess puts stress on your time together. There is very defined amount of time together as parent and child, they grow up too fast!

From my perspective, parents need to do all we can to enhance our time together with our children!

Teen Talk Tip of today? Talk in a way your children will listen. Listen so your children will talk.

Topic Three in Teen Parenting Series - Pulling out the Positive When Talking With Your Teens

2008-11-29T11:43:00.000-05:00

Too often teens feel their parents are saying they are bad. Today's installment is about pulling out the positive and focusing on that in your conversation with your teen. This teen talk lesson will sound like a repeat of toddler positive reinforcement 101, because it is. Parents need to be reminded this technique does not lose it's effectiveness with age. It is simple- human nature responds better to positive language vs. negative. It's the rare parent that truly believes they have a "bad" kid. Our kids will make bad choices, that is a given (it is how we learn and grow). Teen choices are what worry or anger us, and the choices are what we are trying to correct.

Parents need to be conscious of the words we use. In an effort to comment on, or correct our teen's bad choice, our words often give a different message than we intended.

Refrain from Immediate Evaluation Syndrome (common parental affliction) Example Scenario: Teen venting about bad day at school. ..."Oh my gosh Mom, the lunchroom is horrible, every day, its just horrible!" Negative Response: ..." I think your exaggerating there must be some days that are okay in the cafeteria."

This response, with good intentions, says to the teen, your wrong.

Positive Response: ..."Wow, it's been pretty bad in there lately, huh?"

This is better because it acknowledges their bad day without evaluating the teen. BONUS: minus the "being attacked" feeling, your teen is more likely to continue in the conversation, probably in a more informative vein.
By being careful and conscious of her responses, mom will learn a lot more about her teen's day, at the same time, her teen has a chance to vent and get it out of her system.
Parents still left scratching their head after a 1 sentence exchange need to reflect on their last few conversations, maybe they created the "mute teen effect" without even knowing.

Curb parental "Reactionary Stance" when responding to teen behavior Example Scenario: Teen and younger sibling. Negative Reaction Dad "Leave the baby alone Michael!" Teen "I was just rubbing his back" Dad "I know what you are doing, just stop it before you wake him please" Positive Reaction Dad "I like rubbing his back too, I'm just afraid he will wake up, he just fell asleep."

The positive reaction acknowledges the teen's good intentions in a non-judgmental way. Furthermore, the parent is showing empathy with the teen.

Having sincere empathy in your response creates an alliance with your teen, this removes the parent from the more adversarial role their teen sees them as.

Positive reinforcement works, when we pull out the positive and focus on that in a situation or conversation, everyone feels better.

Positive reinforcement, praise, encouragement, these are the winning ways when interacting with your teens!
Used consistently in a direct way will get results.
Don't be fooled into thinking it isn't working. Teens, almost sub-consciously, want you to believe you are having no effect on what they do, or how they do it.
Be patient! With time you will see, in their very actions and reactions, that it is working!

Bottom line parents, our job is to be positive, encouraging and full of praise for our children.

Being positive when correcting a bad choice, points the teen towards their positive attributes, not leaving them to dwell on their negative choice.
Encouraging your child on a consistent basis when they are engaged in the appropriate behaviors will only increase the positive (desired) behavior.
Praising your children can't be emphasized enough, who on earth does NOT respond in a positive manner to praise!

If you have tried, or intend to try, any of the strategies in this Teen Series please post your success stories and/or mistakes you have made and learned from. Next Teen Talk Rule in the Series: How to dodge the bullet of Teenager Nagging.

Give Your Children the BEST Gift of the Season - The Gift They Shouldn't Live Without

2008-11-27T08:53:00.002-05:00

Feeling the stress of pre-holiday gift giving? Always in the search of that "perfect gift." Problem solved! Give your children the gift of knowing the value in living a life being grateful. Make your child happy with this gift! The sooner our children, everyone for that matter, learn that the true secret to happiness is gratitude, the better off we all will be. Help your children find the Zone Being grateful for the many blessings in your life is the best way to keep yourself in the zone - that utopia of positive thinking, paying it forward, treating people with care, sharing your gifts and overall happiness. As parents, we all know our actions teach volumes more than our words. Children who grow up in an environment of grateful and positive people, tend to become another generation of gratefulness. Experience the benefits of living in the Zone People who are focused on and appreciate all they have been given do not have time for envy, jealousy, spitefulness and selfishness. It has been my experience that:

Children growing up in this type of environment learn to celebrate their peer's victories and accomplishments versus envying them.
Because they can appreciate their peers accomplishments, they allow themselves to be inspired by them, instead of being stifled or intimidated by them.
Children grateful for what has been given to them, tend to take care of their gifts, because the appreciate them. This includes both their god given and material gifts.
One could make the connection that children raised to appreciate their god-given talents are less likely to abuse their mind or body housing those talents.
These children have a better sense of the value each individual offers the world and therefore they are better able to see the positive attributes of the people around them.

Don't stress over the holidays and perfect gifts, you are only instilling this sense of stress in your family at a time when should be for exhibiting gratefulness in all that you have, all that you have created, all that has been given to you, and all that is yet to come. In all things given there is a lesson to be learned. Those who learn it, tend to receive their gifts to the fullest extent. What am I #absolutely grateful for?

My family.
Our health.
Our gifts that enable us to provide for our family.
Our ability to give some of what has been given to us.
My husband, partner, friend and lover.
My daughter when she sings out loud with out knowing it and her passion and zest for life.
My one son's ability to acknowledge the team effort behind his many incredible athletic accomplishments and his determination to get what he wants during the difficult transition between high school and college.
My other son's confident sense in who he is which allows him to defend those his peers would ignore, his sense of justice, his willingness to go against the grain when he feels it is just, and to wear what he wants to wear, not what is expected to wear.
The incredible generous spirit in my new found world of Twitter and all that accompanies it.
My belief in a higher power which enables all of the above.

Happy Thanksgiving, tell someone how grateful you are they are a part of your life. Better yet, show them!

Necessary Gear for Road Trip Part II

2008-11-26T22:29:00.000-05:00

Having boldy dashed off my list of things to pack to for a road trip with kids, I find myself corrected, in a big way. My husband's smart packing is what really made our trip with 3 teenagers and 120 lb lab in the Honda Odyssey do-able. If you made note of my first list, please do add the following items to that list: especially if you have teenagers.

Splitter for the earpohnes on the laptop.
Earphones, extra earpohnes and back up earpphones!
Freshly synced I-touch or phone, with latest and greatest podcasts; This Week in Tech, Buzz Outloud, Security Now, etc.,
Iphone with GPS - gotta love that.
One Pillow and blanket for each kid (teenagers don't really like to share)
DVDs for watching on laptops.
Chargers for phones and laptops.
Flashlight ap for ipod for the "reader" in the van
Card for mom's laptop so she can get internet on the road.
Book for Mom to read when Dad finally loses it and begins his highway attack mode driving

Caution: not wise to bring freshly baked pies in the car with the dog, or if you do, bake double. Caution: when the dog suddenly starts to bark in the car, he realy needs to go, he isn't joking.

Footnotes:

Plastc bags to pick up what the dog does
Patience, lots of patience

We survived, it only took 5.5 hours to do a trip that normall takes 4 hrs. tops, on "Exodus Wednesday" from the DC Metro to New Jersey, just outside the city.

What am I thankful for? Arriving! And much, much more.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Essential Items for a Smoother Family Roadtrip

2008-11-26T01:17:00.000-05:00

There is nothing worse than having the whole family on the road and having car problems, getting lost or stuck in bad traffic. Before you go leave the house to go over the hills and through the woods to grandmothers house for the holiday, you may want to remember to check your car for the following items, or be sure to pack: 1. Water 2. Blankets/pillows 3. Diapers / Wipes /Formula/Baby food 4. Juice/snacks 5. Flares/Flashlight 6. Maps 7. Battery operated Radio 8. Jumper Cables 9. Jack/ Spare tire 10. Triple A Card/ID # 11. Roll of quarters (tolls) 12. Book on CD (adult and/children's story) Have a Happy, Healthy and Safe Thanksgiving!

Topic Two in Teen Parenting Series - Teen Cue Words: the Words All Parents Should Have in Their Parenting Dictionary

2008-11-24T18:07:00.001-05:00

A series providing parents of teens 9 strategies to help improve communicating with their teens and work towards creating a better parent/child relationship. I call these "Cue" words, because argumentative interaction with our teen-age kids should be our cue to switch words or our manner of speaking with our teen. Changing a few key words when interacting with your teenager will rescue you from the constant feeling of having verbal arrows thrown at you by your teen! Today's installment covers Teen-Talk Rule #1: When talking with your teens, try using "It" instead of "You" in your conversations. By making this simple change, you will immediately feel the benefits! By doing this, parents avoid having their teen feel they are being judged or evaluated. When speaking to a teen, each time we insert the word “you,” in their world sounds like we are judging them. Example:

Before: “Kathy you really need to go to bed now.”
After: “Kathy it’s getting late, it really is time to go to bed now.

Saying you have to go to bed may seem logical to the parent but to the teen they hear, “what have you been doing all night, why are you late, why are you off schedule?” and with that in mind they take it personally.

Because our teen feels this way, they revert to a defensive position, which is why they normally would respond to our request for them to go to bed in a defensive manner. Not usually brimming with sugar and spice and everything... This tactic can also be applied to non-directives but in simple conversation: Example: Your child is talking about a bad day at school, how he didn't get to complete his gym class, he was sent to the school office.

Before (Parent): “What did you do to get sent to the office.”
Your teen is immediately feeling defensive, and you don’t even know what happened yet, and will probably react in a very argumentative way, “I didn'tdo ANYTHING."
After (Parent): “What happened during the class?”
While you don’t have to actually use the word “it,” by focusing on the event vs. your child individually, they will not feel as threatened or judged.

When I implemented this change in my vocabulary, I was amazed at the results. The "IT" changed as a I referred to it when I first learned about it was a lifesaver for me!

The "IT" change also supports the Victim/Villain roles referenced in the first installment of this series. When saying "you" to our teen, knowing what we know now, it is easy to see that it could instantly cast our teen in the "victim" role, because they are feeling personally "attacked" vs, just an inquiring mind wanting to know how it went in school today!

Once you try this strategy, please post your experience on the comments, we can all learn together from each other's experience. In this case, we'll say, "it takes a virtual village to raise our teens!"

Next topic in the series: Teen-Talk Rule #2 - PULL out the Positive!

Teen Parenting Series: Creating a Better Relationship with Your Teenagers

2008-11-23T11:59:00.001-05:00

A series providing parents of teens 9 strategies to help improve communicating with their teens and work towards creating a better parent/child relationship. Today's Topic: Navigating Conflicts and Arguments with your Teenagers. The day my youngest turned 13 was the day my husband and I knew we were outnumbered! 3 Teens: 2Parents. Yikes, how did this happen so fast? We quickly realized with our oldest (now 18) that parenting teens is not the same as parenting before the teen years.

Teens, love 'em or hate 'em we all were once there, and need to remember that unique psyche involved in being a teen.

Parents need to constantly remind themselves teens are a different breed of person. Teens feel they can conquer anything, they are invincible. Their friends are their world, and they want to belong and be different all at once.

The teenage world is full of push and pull, love/hate, it is a plethora of contradictions; it can be very stressful on a teen. Teens, like their younger alter ego, do all they can to keep it together in public; when they come home don't be hurt or confused that the stress of their day is unleashed on you. As parents we are the safe harbor for their very choppy day in the world of peers. Topic One: Conflicts and Arguments - Learning not to escalate arguments, thus avoid creating a "mountain" to climb, only to then slowly descend into the calmness of compromise and agreement. REMEMBER: In any conflict, aka argument, with your teen, there are 3 roles; 1. Victim, 2. Hero and 3. Villain. Parents need to avoid the easy typecast of "Villain"

Don't go overboard on accusations, or yelling. Simply state the facts, "John, you are late, we agreed your curfew was midnight."
Don't respond to his excuses with, "you are ALWAYS late." Sweeping statements only open the door for their immediate response and self-validation that you don't "get it."
This simply supports their role as Victim. Simply stay firm and clear, "yes, but midnight was the curfew we agreed to."
If you are NOT the Villain, you will be amazed at how quickly they don't have a quick counter attack. It's amazing. The conflict ends.
Slipping back into "Villain" you only perpetuate the argument, because the "Victim" will always have a comeback to the "Villain."
This promotes the possibility of an even worse scenario: your partner in parenting may feel the need to come to the rescue, as the "Hero," just to end the argument.
Being the "Hero" to a partners "Villain" only underlines your teens ability to divide and conquer the parenting team.
On the flip-side, don't slip into "Victim" yourself by using tried and not true: "if you loved us, you would know we were worried, why do you do this to us, don't you even care?" When they are having fun with their peers, they have the attention span of a lightning bug.
Your teen cares about you, the point is they didn't think about you at that specific moment of their decision. Never state anything you know deep down isn't true, saying it all is being more about you. It is an emotional response that will never bring the hoped for outcome.

Next topic in the series: Teen CUE Words, the Words We All Need in our Parenting Dictionary: Oh so useful, when communicating with your teen. Choose them carefully! The author, Meglyn of "From My Perspective," is the parent of three teenagers, 13, 16 and 18. Meglyn has also worked several years in the school system both in elementary and middle school. At heart, Meglyn often feels many years younger than her 45, but knows the teen years are not a phase in life she would ever want to re-live! She does not claim to be the authority on teens, moreover, she is usually writing from what she has learned from her mistakes, or from the research she has done to help her and her husband during these choppy years of teen hood in the house! Readers: Please post those teen-tips you have accumulated over the years, this parent knows there is always more to learn!

Serendipity at www.LuckyStartUps.Com

2008-11-23T00:11:00.001-05:00

Serendipity: When you go looking for one thing, but you find something else. Recently I was watching on one of my favorite websites http://www.luckystartups.com/ webcasts. Lucky Start Ups does great interviews with people representing recent, or in the process of, being a "start up" company, usually web based. I find the interviews are both informative and entertaining at the same time. This is not a MSNBC business review, this is almost like the NPR "Car Talk" guys. They are knowledgable about the topic. It is just definitely more casual and relaxed, one might even say a little rough around the edges. Which to me, is the "IT" factor for the show. It is a very approachable, personable and straight-forward environment. The two hosts, Aronado and Dennis, or Mr. Downtown Brown, as Aronado likes to announce, are extremely interested in business, specifically start ups, the ups the downs, and everything in between. They want the information as much as the listener/viewer. You can identify with their excitement over hearing the great business start up stories. They are committed to promoting their guests’ businesses, which usually become sponsors of future shows. Recently due to a mix-up and technical difficulties, their guest was unavailable. The hilarious but dedicated Aronado and "Downtown Mr. Brown" didn’t miss a beat. They worked with what they had; their humor, business perspective and their great banter; they adlibbed, played off the cuff but they also posed great questions to the chat room audience; before you knew it a volley of business brainstorming about networking was in full swing. In between the jokes and commentary, I extracted some great ideas and concepts. Much of what I heard could be considered common sense: Sometimes when you are at the right place at the right time you truly "hear" something, or at least hear it enough to let the spark ignite.

After the http://www.luckystartups.com/ broadcast I was inspired to jot down a few things, after a little bit of polishing off when I got home from work, this is what I came up with, based off the brainstorming session:

Networking is networking, whether in the traditional personal arena or the online social networks.
Networking equals: connecting, sharing, adding value
Who is our "natural database" of connections? Our friends!
Having good connections (friends) is based off your character, persona and friendliness.
We need to be engaging and willing to add value to the relationship FIRST.

Perhaps the algorithm to create valuable connections is:

Friendliness + Being Engaging + Adding Value = The Secret to Valuable Connections

Valuable Connections lead to authentic relationships. People want authenticity in their relationships, both personal and business.

This is because, first and foremost, when marketing a business, a concept, a widget, whatever it is; you are marketing yourself. If your client, customer or potential investor can trust you and believe in you, you have amplified your margin for success in creating a successful business relationship.

Creating authentic relationships leads to much more than new business and profitability. It will also lead to your success and fulfillment as a person.

From my perspective no matter what you do, or where you are in life, it always has been, and it always will be, all about relationships.

Good Design Can Be Provocative

2008-11-22T00:24:00.001-05:00

Design. There are many aspects to a good design, no matter the genre. Regardless of type, a clean and pure design speaks to you and draws you in.

From walking the streets of a historic town, admiring the architecture and lines in the design of the buildings to wandering the fashion district, I see examples of good design all around me. I am continually amazed at how the designers managed to top themselves once again. I appreciate the effort and talent that goes into the creation of a good design.

I get a quick rush as I gasp at the unexpected beauty in the simplicity of design in a unique silver fork. When the thought that went into it is so clearly evident, in how well it fits my hand. The fact he (or she) put the time into incorporating the needed ergonomics without sacrificing the beauty means a lot to me, and draws me to the piece.

I am thrilled when a logo makes sense, when the artist knew better than to make the logo itself, the center of attention. A well thought out logo, draws the consumer into the company or product it represents. It makes sense, and supports the mission of its sponsor. Like a well made up face, a good logo is doing its job when you don’t see just the logo; you recognize, and better yet – remember the company or product. A well designed logo enhances; it does not take over.

Those truly gifted designers, who have mastered the genius in subtlety, absolutely blow me away. I admire and envy their sense of restraint and ability to understand the bare minimum needed to be pleasing to the eye and provide balance to the psyche of the person taking it all in.

Walk into a well-planned room designed to be inviting, and you feel warm and welcomed, you feel it in the very core of your being. You are calmer in the space; you have a sense of balance and harmony. It just feels inexplicably right, you want to sit down, and stay awhile.

Creative and clean design invites you in. When it is pure and clear in its mission, it will be the catalyst that ignites your imagination and the possibilities beyond what you see on the surface. It encourages you to look deeper, past the obvious. It challenges your preconceived ideas. It plays with your senses. It is absolutely provocative in how it intrigues you.

When you suddenly see the history behind the old building and not just look at it in passing you are being influenced by the design. When you suddenly recognize how the lines tease your eye or how the building plays with the shadows during different parts of the day; you have grown in your perspective. When you can hear the architect’s story, you are paying him the best compliment of all. When someone else’s vision changes your perspective, you take a piece of them with you, and knowingly or not, it will influence you. When you draw on that experience and incorporate in one of your creative endeavors you will have kept the architects story alive.

There is yin and yang in the world, there are opposing forces pushing and pulling at us all day. A provocative design will surround you in the midst of opposing energy and bring balance and harmony to your senses; ultimately good designs provide relief from the cacophony of stimuli that surrounds us.

Moms vs Motrin Noise Level on Twitter Still Tracking at #1!

2008-11-16T15:24:00.000-05:00

Added on November 21st: Thank you Motrin, you heard us, your response reveals your commitment to your consumers and it is appreciated! #Motrinmoms continues to be #1 topic on social networking site TWITTER, check out the commotion @ www.summize.com If you haven't heard the outcry of angered mom-bloggers and many other groups of tweople on Twitter, the social network site, check out Social Networking Site http://www.twitter.com/. The subject "#Motrinmoms" or "Motrin" has been trending high for about 24 hours now. With many other headlines in the news why is the recent Motrin on line ad receiving such a negative response? It was not a well thought out campaign and foray into online marketing. The following points are my thoughts and perspective on this specific ad campaign:

Whether intended or not, it managed to insult the targeted demographic.
Sweeping assumptions and labels about motherhood are not appealing.
It appears as thought they did not use a well chosen focus group to gauge reaction to the ad.
It made this reader feel the company slapped a "MOM" label on the ad, and hoped that it would have mothers flocking to it without reading the content.

While I'm sure McNeil, Johnson & Johnson and Taxi obviously were not aiming to slam babywearing moms, or moms in general, it is safe for this mom to say the immediate, negative ripple effect this Ad created is not what they intended, or had hoped for. The huge "MISS"takecould have been avoided. The concept was great... Motrin "feels the pain" of motherhood, it could have been a such a huge hit, it had many GREAT components:

The "momologue" is a COOL concept, a great application in keeping with the big surge in on line marketing via the social networking channel.
The visual and voiceover narrator - very good
The underlying message was smart, showing empathy for your consumer is smart, they simply missed the mark on what a mother would share about, or appreciate the comany showing empathy for.

So what killed the ad? In my opinion the content killed the ad's potential to be a huge hit. One has to ask themselves what is a GIANT like Johnson & Johnson doing, approving an ad with such short sighted research. Under what circumstances would any executive think calling a staple piece of baby gear like the baby sling/snuggli, etc, an ACCESORY to motherhood? What creative director said, "yea - without wearing one of those mom accesories, she would practically lose her identity as a mom." The other key mistake , alienating the other side of the equation, the MOMS that choose (for whatever their reason) not to use a sling during those years of parenting, are they somehow not a mom because of that? So now, the many moms who support babywearing and the moms who didn't wear there babies during the early years have been alienated by this ad. Who exactly were they trying to reach? Anyone would agree their is pain involved in parenthood/motherhood, but the point is - the majority of moms take the pain in stride, along with the territory, because it is all worth it. Sad the ad didn't say, "we know you moms don't think of the pain, we just want to help make the load you carry a little lighter...," or something along that line. I just don't get it? Personally, I am a mom who stayed home for many years and also worked outside of the house while raising my children. I do wear heels, now I do work in a professional environment outside of my home and I did use a "front pack" snuggli throughout my years with young children. One wouldn't label me "granola" or "all work" or most of the other numerous socio demographic labels. I am an average mom, with plenty of experience in marketing and sales; a mom that, for the life of me, cannot figure out how such a big hitter, swung hard and yet, struck out - big time. Corporate America listen to the ripple on the blogs, tune it to web sights like twitter, for all the dollars spent on polls, phone and direct marketing campaigns, inserts in magazines, air time on network tv, you are missing out on a virtual endless source of input riht here on the net; the bloggers and social network sights (http://www.twitter.com/) where in 20 seconds I can voice my opinion and in 20 seconds you can see my opinion. If you choose, you can connect directly to me, 1 on 1 with your consumer. I would suggest you invest in search engines that pick up what people are talking about, and most importantly what your consumers are saying about your product. Better yet, go to http://www.momforce.com/, where you can hire moms to market to moms! The recent upheavel about Motrin on http://www.twitter.com/ is a compelling example in support of social network marketing at the corporate level. Furthermore, it is a great example of the power of the consumer. That grass roots ripple effect that happens when many people unite in voice and message. The recent posts from the many mom blogs were heard far and wide, what corporation doesn't want their message heard instantly across the country, and the bonus, all of that with a very low overhead. Imagine the return on your investment! From my perspective this Ad campaign, from the story board to execution, and how it missed the mark will soon be a MBA 101 case study on why content makes or breaks a campaign. Two respected bloggers that represent a portion of the outcry and their posts regarding this ad:

http://kelbycarr.com/motrins-offensive-mom-ad-is-proof-companies-must-hire-chief-mom-officers/

http://www.ladybuglandings.com/2008/11/motrin-makes-moms-mad/

Motrin is Giving Me a Headache!

2008-11-16T02:27:00.001-05:00

While my children have long since passed the baby sling days, and walking the floor with a sick child in my arms, I am frankly still annoyed at the recent "MOMs voice" campaign from Motrin. No link for this, they don't need the traffic. I do know this, I'm insulted advertisers and the agencies that represent them think they can throw something on the internet, and print sideways and it will be an instantly "cool" ad. I'm insulted that as a mother, they think I feel the need to quickly pop pills in my child's mouth, so they won't be up feeling sick, and so I can sleep. That they felt the true "pain" in parenting would be our aching backs from carrying or. using a sling, to carry my child. Parental Pain is the headache you get from worrying if their fever is too high, or gone too long, or if this is just a normal reaction to an ear infection, or is there something horribly wrong? Parental Pain is the stomach ache you get just in the witnessing of your child being rebuked by another child. True Parental Pain is reached in the late night, wide awake moments that too many parents have wondering how they will pay for their child's college, or worse yet, pay for their child's next meal! Now, as one Tweople, @DaveTaylor challened, then how would we do the ad? --- This is how I would do it. An ad where[close up]the mom and the dad have been up late, quietly whispering and going over their finances, seeing how hard their college savings plan was being hit with the recent financial crisis, and crossing off their list of brainstorming ideas on how to keep their 1st born, pride and joy, in the 2nd semester of his freshman year.... [camera pulls out, wider shot] sees mom rub her temples, muttering, I'm getting a horrible headache just thinking about how we will possibly swing all this." Camera follows dad as he, quietly gets up, strides to the cabinet over their kitchen desk, grabs the motrin and gets a glass of water on the way back to the kitchen table" and says reassuringly, "I don't know, but we will, but we won't get anywhere without first getting rid of your headache..." Mom gratefully accepts the water, the meds, and takes the motrin." Camera shows them continuing to work a little later. [new shot] mom and dad walks up the stairs and peeks into their firstborns room, mom can't resist, in two quick steps she is by his side and brushes the hair from his eyes, and tucks back in the dropped teddy bear from his "big boy" bed, a close up reveals she is truly worried but doesn' t look as in as much pain as before, over their future finances. As mom leaves the room, Dad tosses an arm on her shoulders, we've got time to fix it, how is your headache?" "Better already" replies Mom. and they go into their room and crack the door open, just in case the baby cries. N0w that I could identify with and respond to. To insuate that to be an "official" member of the mommyhood race you need to look frazzled and crazy is an insulting perspective for the company to take. From my perspective, they should interviw some REAL mommies, ones who have a voice and would love to be heard.

"Saving Green while Living Green"

2008-11-12T23:03:00.001-05:00

With today's economy, everyone is doing what they can to save a little here and and there. There is no reason to cut back on your efforts to incorporate green lifestyle changes - there is plenty you can do that doesn't cost a lot of "green $" When you think about it, many of the ways to live green are also great cost saving measures.

Low Cost Green Tips for Today: Gift Giving and Holiday Ideas

Kid's Birthday Gift Wrap can be the Sunday Comics! Try the Business or Sports page for Dad (or Mom, if thats what she is into). If you've ever moved, and have left over large cut newsprint, let your kids color the wrapping paper design.

For Winter Holidays Wrapping Paper, use any brown paper bags you have left over from the grocery store (if you're not using the re-usable bags, but still better than plastic). Use jute instead of ribbon, it makes a great rustic package, add a few twigs or small pine cones for a real homey touch. Cut "stamps" from kitchen sponges before you throw them away, use gold or silver paint and "stamp" the wrapping paper.

Use recycled holiday cards (as in take a card given to you, cut the front illustration side and hole punch and make it the gift card).

Save gas by ordering gifts from internet - less gas used in driving around town shopping. Try www.wishpot.com!

Try an electronic holiday card/family letter. I think with a small notation at the bottom that says, something along the effect of, "... in a true effort to reduce paper waste, we have chosen to try and correspond electronically throughout the new year..." cut and paste your family portrait and I bet very few will feel it was a "cop out," besides, it is the thought that counts.

Replanting Christmas Trees - What a great way to preserve your holiday memories and help the environment, if your buying a tree anyway, why not buy one that stays around awhile! Great news on this at www.motherearthnews.com/Nature-Community/1991-12-01/Replanting-Your-Christmas-Tree

RE-GIFT, why not, just don't give it to anyone who knows you've already received it. You get something, you don't care for it, you know someone that would love it, isn't it selfish NOT to share it with them? :)

If you have any "Saving Green while Living Green" tips, please share them by commenting on this post. The Holidays are right around the corner, remember - the greatest gift we can give our children, is a healthy and happy world for their future.

Procrastination - A Hard Hole to Get Out Of

2008-10-21T00:16:00.001-04:00

As recently posted on http://totallyher.com/forum Procrastination - It's plagued me off and on my whole life. Recently found "The Now Habit" by Fiore very helpful. When I find myself slipping, I listen to it in my car to and from work. Backwards as this may sound, it often affects people who have very high standards, a certain type of perfectionism need; if not completely confident they are doing something as close to perfect as possible, it becomes to stressful to even begin. The uncertainty drives us nuts! - What if the way I pick to execute the project at hand isn't the PERFECT or best way to do it? I had to learn how to convince myself, it's okay to go for it, and if need be, adjust or tweak as needed. If it's not perfect this time, I will have learned and grown from it, and can strive to be closer to the "perfect" way the next time... A close cousin to "what if I fail," procrastination at it's worse prevents us from attempting some of our greatest desires, dreams or passions. If we let this thief steal our ability to accomplish, to regain our confidence and even to execute on life's simple tasks is we are giving up on ourselves. Better to have tried and failed, tried and tripped up, or just simply try than to never have given ourselves a chance at all. Tomorrow - try this one thing: Take a task that you have dodged. Break it into three smaller parts, write down the three steps - in their most simplest form. Write and say it outloud as you do exactly what you will accomplish and when it will be completed by. Then go for it. Don't worry about perfection, don't worry about complete speed, and just getting the x, just focus on the goal at hand, and know how good you will feel when it is done and behind you. I have mine written for tomorrow - it seems I have an allergy to gas stations, banks and post offices. I have the stamped and addressed envelopes taped to my front door. I have a completed deposit slip and check in my purse (hanging on the front door knob). I have a post it on my windshield that says PRETTY MUCH EMPTY. My goal is to have it all done before I walk in the front door of my office. I'll let you know how I do! Good luck

Kids Halloween Party Ideas - Have a "Howling" Good Time!

2008-10-20T22:16:00.001-04:00

For kids between the ages of 8 and 12 years old, a good 'ole fashioned, fun back yard, costume party can be a howl!

Invite Ideas: Basic Black Invites: Black Construction Paper & Chalk Cut Paper into Tombstone, Bats, and witches hat shapes Use chalk to write party details. Haunted House Invites: Black Construction Paper Scissors Purple, Orange and Green Tissue Paper. Draw a simple outline of an old, rickety house. Use scissors (or with parental help) exacto knife with cutting board underneath; 3 sides of a door, and windows. Or cut out "shutters of windows" Tape different colors of tissue paper to back of house over the windows and doors - write invite info on the inside of the flaps of doors and windows. Games / Activity Suggestions: Mummy Wrapping: Materials - TP Split kids into teams of 3 or 4 people. 1 Person is the "Mummy" the others are the wrappers. All you need is cheap TP (toilet paper). First team to completely cover their mummy wins! Face Painting: Materials - Poster Paints or Water Colors. New, fine paint brushes. Spider Search: Materials - Kite String, dollar store plastic spiders and prizes of your choice. Cut long lengths of string - 1 for each guest. Paint the tips of the string, 1 color per guest. Paint matching color dot on each of the spiders. Create a tangled web among trees or bushes. Each kid is assigned a color. Have them start at the colored tip, have them try to follow the web until they reach their matching colored spider. Paint a Pumpkin: Materials - small or medium sized pumpkins, tempra paints, paint brushes. Just as fun as carving, but much safer. Do this in the beginning of the party, so they have time to dry! Witches Broom Limbo: to funny "scary" music mix String Candy Necklaces: Soft candy (jelly type work well too), colored marshmallows, cheerios, elastic, embroidery needles, masking tape. Tape one end of the elastic with the tape to prevent any candy from coming off, have kids carefully string candy, tie off when complete. Bubble Blowing Contest: Ghoulish green colored gum - two or three pieces per kid (if they can handle it). Biggest bubble wins! Mummy Bandage Race: Materials - Old Sheets, scissors, red paint. Cut longish "bandages," splatter some red paint prior to party. Traditional 3 legged race, use the "bloody bandages" to tie ankles. Scariest Movie Trivia Contest: For the parents that may hang out to help or enjoy.... (My examples will date me!) Who had a bucket of pigs blood poured on them? Carrie What movie made the steps by Georgetown University Famous? The Exorcist Name of boy behind the hockey mask? Jason in Halloween Have a howl, enjoy the season, make the "scary" so exaggerated, its funny not frightening! Know the kids you are having, and whether or not certain treats will work. Don't feel the need to overload on the candy - there will be more than enough opportunities throughout the week of the holiday in most schools and neighborhoods. Suggested Menu: Bowls of Guts (Macaroni and Cheese) Scary Sandwiches White Bread cut in shape of "ghosts" PBJ filling 2 Raisins for eyes Cut-off Fingers (Hot dogs cut in 1/2 with Ketchup) Eyeballs (Deviled Eggs - use blue food coloring for yolk filling) or Peeled Grapes Ghouls Grub (Your favorite Trail Mix with Gummy worms thrown in) Frankenmellows Marshmallows on popscicle sticks. Melted Choc Chips to dip one side of marshmallow for hair. Skinny Pretzle sticks broken smaller - "bolt ears" on each side of Marsmellow. Green food coloring paste (a little) goes a long way, for Frank's face. Small Candies for his eyes. Black edible decorating pen - dots for eyes and crooked mouth. Goblin's Teeth Green Apples, Peanut Butter and mini marshmallows Slice Apple into 8ths (keeping skin). Spread peanut butter on one side of each apple slice place small marsmallows between two pieces of apple and peanut butter - looks like a Goblin Smiling at you! Graveyard Cake Any Flavored Cake Green Icing with Green food colored Coconut mixed in (grass) Milano Cookies Chocolate or Black Fine Icing tubes "RIP" on Milano, push into cake to create tombstones. Gummie worms and other "buggy" candy to decorate around he cake. Apple Cider / Apple Juice

Market Stinks - Time To Clip Coupons Again

2008-10-08T19:35:00.001-04:00

Check out this site, it organizes stores that double coupons by state. http://couponing.about.com/od/groceryzone/a/doublecoupons.htm

Site Warming Party -- What a Cool Idea!

2008-10-07T22:45:00.003-04:00

Just saw on Twitter - a very resourceful mom/blogger is having a site warming party to celebrate her website. Sounds like it will be really cool - maybe you should consider dropping by - hey she's got goodie bags, everyone loves a great goodie bag! Give it a shot! If you want to attend the site-warming party-- heres the scoop: On Friday, October 17th, all party-goers will tweet up on Twitter at 9:00 p.m. for a blogging chat with expert guests to help answer questions, offer advice, and enjoy the fun! Join the party by Resourceful Mom, and then be sure to let her know that you're with us that night by tweeting @ her.

An Ordinary Joe Who Did An Extraordinary Thing

2008-10-05T12:03:00.001-04:00

My friend Joe is that guy we all knew in school - playful, handsome, has an easy smile, quick to laugh, with that rugged but gentle, laid back kinda look. Joe teaches special needs high school students, he is a great father, husband, and friend. He is a self-deprecating guy who always has a great story or joke at the neighborhood party. Joe's passion for being on the water, combined with his genuine desire to help others, and his seemingly endless supply of energy appears to have also added grass-roots leader, advocate and healer to his list of attributes. A few years back, Joe sat on a local river bank with his paddling buddy talking about the war. Both kayakers shared a sense of frustration and desire to help in some way. The number of young people coming home injured, both physically and emotionally, broken in spirit made them want to take some kind of action. That day they convinced themselves they could make a difference by sharing the passion and exhilaration they felt on the water. Confident that by spending time on the water the vets would be able to see the beauty in the world again, feel the adrenaline rush of kayaking through white water and regain their strength and confidence mastering those sharp drop ins. Sitting on the riverbank they realized if they could do it, the vets they helped would be that much closer to feeling whole again. They parted, committed to finding a way to make it happen. A true volunteer, grass-roots effort, with amazing people called Team River Runner was born from that conversation by the river. People's lives are being changed for the better, just from one guy saying to another, "we could do this, we can make it happen." The E World provided my connection to Joe, via an email written about a teacher titled, "What I Did On My Summer Vacation," by Joe Mornini. Reading the familiar name out loud, I realized he was a local parent at my son's high school. Later on, thanks to the close proximity of high school bleachers, I politely listened in on a conversation behind me, the obvious passion in what they were talking about caught my ear. I quickly realized the teacher I had read about - Joe,was right behind me! Constantly striving to show my kids what they do in life, small or big can make a difference, I was grateful for Joe, and told them his story. Joe didn't set off to start a nationwide effort. He and his friends simply wanted to see if the amputee vets at Walter Reed would enjoy being out on the water and regain their lost confidence and their physical abilities, by kayaking. Joe learned that the small steps they were taking towards their goal were turning into huge leaps of achievement. Joe and his friend's energy and passion for their cause, was quickly attracting others. Soon, the movement took on a life of it's own, and Team River Runner was launched, and they became "official." Over the past two or three years Team River Runner has grown, spreading to numerous VA hospital units that specialize in Amputee and Severe Head Injury Treatment, therapy and re-hab. Joe's local group reaches out to the other centers and help the local volunteers get started, establish relationships with the equipment providers, and guides them through the myriad of government rules and paperwork, etc., At the same time, they continue to work with their group of amputees and other severely injured right here in DC. They are always looking for donations of old kayaks, vans to transport, kids to make sandwiches to feed them during day trips, and help push wheelchairs down the bumpy dirt path to the water. They send CDs to patients while they are in rehab, showing the patients what Team River Runner does and invites the vets to join them when they are ready. They have "graduation" trips and when the donations are up, they try to take the vet's wives with them, as they gain a lot of support by being with each other, sharing their stories, and their joy in their husbands recovery progress by being on the water. Then,they start over; every week, after a full day's work, a group of people take time from their families and carry a bunch of kayaks and gear up several flights stairs to a therapeutic pool at Walter Reed Medical Center. There they start again, teaching the new vets, young and not so young, how to kayak. This unusual recreational therapy has done wonders! From simply seeing a guy smile again, to the serious head injured regaining a sense of balance, physical control, and self-confidence. Seeing a double amputee who knows when he is sitting in a kayak, he looks the same as everyone else; watching the proud, wide grin of a boy who recently lost his arm while he deftly maneuvers his mechanical looking arm/hand to keep is boat on course; hearing families voice their overwhelming gratitude to Team River Runner in helping their sons or husbands ability to feel strong and "whole" again; you can't help but be in awe of the actions of an ordinary guy like Joe and his friends. Joe has been named one of the Washingtonian Magazine's "Volunteer of the Year," has had spots on morning talk shows, traveled (often on his own dime) all over the country as an advocate for these men and women who need programs like his. None of this has changed Joe. Like yesterday, as I sat in the high school parking lot next to Joe. As always, in boating trunks,he was stretched out with his head on the curb, hat tilted down, arm lazily thrown over his wife's leg,catching a quick snooze before his daughter's homecoming float performance. I glanced over, and suddenly I had an epiphany! I thought to myself, good gosh, it could be any of us, any of us could do it, any of us could make a difference if we really tried. Joe's passion, commitment and tenacity is contagious! From my perspective, these are the ingredients needed to make a good idea become an amazing, life-changing achievement.

Carpe Diem - or in Mom Lanugage - Grab that Moment!

2008-09-01T14:32:00.002-04:00

My 18 year old son, suddenly appeared in our back yard. We had known he had to work all day, and nothing more beyond that. It was 8:30 and a beautiful night out, and suddenly he was there! I'm not embarrased to admit, my heart jumped a little as he turned the corner into my view. We have always been a close family. Being my first born - We went through our biggest successes with him, and learned a lot about parenting with him; admittedly, sometimes at a cost. His transition from High schooler to College student hadn't gone as smoothly as we hoped, and it had taken a toll on our relationship. Mix in some "first love" turmoil in his life, friends scattering across the country, and things had been a bit choppy for us. Nothing ir-repairable, but taxing all the same. Perhaps the rude awakenings of real life had been a bit of a shock to our guy, maybe we hadn't done our best throughout it all, we've never done this before. He didn't necessarily want to hear what we were saying. Following our instincts, we did the best we could. Lately, his 'ole good humored self had started to re-emerge. I was getting glimpses of the boy/man I know and love. Only, it is very hard to always know when to jump in and how deep to swim in the life of your pre-man. Over-involvement is the kiss of death; not being there, just in case he needs me, (or even needs to have me there and just be able to ignore me), isn't good either. Suddenly, at the twighlight of this balmy, indian summer evening, he was was there, in the emood to connect, to be a part of "us." It didn't matter that we had guests over, and were in the middle of a casual dinner. I knew these moments don't happen as often as they used to. Those wonderful moments when your child gets older, and farther from your reach - suddenly wants to be a part of everything. It was my opportunity to fully embrace "Carpe Diem" - I grabbed my mom moment, and enjoyed his very presence. I didn't try to take advantage of it and get a full catch up on his life, it's taken me a while to learn this, but I have. I siezed the moment, and loved the moment and anything it brought with it. I didn't look back, didn't wonder forward, I just was. I was in the moment with him, and I was grateful and thankful to have that time, no matter how brief it might last. He laughed, we laughed, a card game ensued, the banter of good-natured smack talk filled the air. Flashbacks of "go fish" at age 8, when he still giggled like a girl, filled my heart. We had that moment, and it was fulfilling because I finally learned one of the tougher "mom lessons" in life. During our time last night, I realized that taking that moment and living it to the fullest far outweighs the time wasted in trying to figure out our lost time, or hoping for future moments, wondering why it's different now and then grabbing hold too tight and trying to "force" it to happen. Whether we think we are holding on too tight or not, if your grasping and they are dodging, take a deep breath and pull back. Take what they give you and love it for what it is. I bet you'll find yourself much happier. Who knows, perhaps the gates to his life will open a little wider for you, inviting you in a little more often. From my perspective, as cliche as it is, we do need to let go of those we love in order for them to return to us with even more love to share.

Mothers and Daughters

2008-07-06T12:56:00.001-04:00

Why is it that Mothers and Daughters have such an intense relationship? How long does it take before we transition from the love hate situation of teenagers, to best friends? Seriously, there are times I am worried about making it through the rough years, so we can enjoy the rest of our lives together. She is only with us for so long. I know this for sure, because my oldest son is about to leave the nest for college, and suddenly I wish we had done this and that, and then maybe this.... And why can't you be home more, and why do you only come home to change and go out again? It's hard to let go, it's harder to let go, when they are right in front of you. Which is absolutely what you need to do at this age. Let go and let teen. Let go of the snappy little comeback you have to the zinger she throws you in retaliation to your simply asking her to pick up her things from the floor. Let go when she is trying out make up that it probably too much for her to wear, unless she looks down right slutty - let it slide. Probably having a peer tell her "yuck" will have a much bigger impact than your telling her it looks "yucky." Sometimes you just have to love 'em to death, untl they finally give in. That is, if you are still standing after the last knock down drag out, all out battle. From my perspective, if we each give a little, we will both get a little of what we need.

Road Trips...

2008-07-04T23:23:00.000-04:00

... are a great opportunity for parents of teens to connect and catch up. It may take a little time, but given enough space, a few open ended conversation starters, and usually your teen will eventually give in on the silent treatment and start to talk. Want them to talk more? Don't take over the conversation. Let there be some quiet between topics and usually, if you are patient, they will offer more. While your innate mother's instinct may drive you towards trying to solve whatever challenge or problem from their day they bring up - try to refrain! Have you ever wanted to just vent about your day to your husband or friend, and they immediately try to provide a solution, when you really didn't want a "fix" you wanted to whine, maybe even martyr it a bit, you wanted to get it all out, so you could let go of it? Same with your teen, they don't always want us to "fix it and make it all better." Sometimes they simply want you to listen. Shocking, I know. Once your teen is confident that you are completely vested in actually listening and perhaps validating their feelings here and there, you will be pleasantly suprised at the results. It is really hard in the beginning, but once you get the hang of it, you will be amazed at all they had been holding in, and now are willing to share! Of course, you may need to institute ipod free zones. In our family, we ask that ipods not be immediately turned on - that we need to be on the road for more than 45 minutes. This rule graduated from the former rule (used more when they were younger) - no movies in the car until it is too dark out to read. If you can handle their music choices, try plugging their ipod into your car speakers, or in my case (I have an older van) - plugging into a casette enables their ipod to play on the car speakers. Whatever it takes, try to create an environment that enourages an exchange of conversation between you and your teens. This means, not chatting on your cell phone - which literally forces them to dis-engage, and when that happens, it will need to be a really long trip for them to re-engage. It also means, don't use that time together to lecture or whine about their dirty underwear on the floor- which literally translates to "wa waaa wa wa" to the teenager's ears. (Insert Charlie Brown's teacher sound bite). From my perspective, if you want to talk to a teen, you need to talk in a way they will listen, and more importantly, listen in a way so they will talk.

What has happened to accountability?

2008-04-13T01:38:00.001-04:00

In my many years as a school volunteer and working in the school system, I came away from my experience with a chip on my shoulder when it came to accountability. It seems there is a shortage of it! An overwhelming number of students always seemed to have an excuse, a justifiable reason for why things had gone wrong, or a mistake had been made. No one it seemed, was ever at fault. Most shocking to me was how quickly parents swooped in to declare their child's innocence, or to accuse the school system of un-fairly picking on their child, or even offer a valid "reason" for why their child had done what they did. It was then very obvious to me how kids came to this state of self-denial. Their parents were leading the way. By doing so, their kids wern't learning the all-important physics lesson on life: for every action there is a reaction, or a consenquence, for their behavoir, good and bad. These kids were being robbed the gift of learning how to grow from their mistakes; they were missing out on that great feeling you get in when you do the right thing and admit when you were wrong and owning up to it; the incredible rush of relief that follows a sincere apology. When a child owns up to their actions, down the road the recollection of their remorse and regret in previous bad choices will hopefully prevent them from duplicating their mistakes. Perhaps parents hover and buffer for their kids because of guilt, or embarassment, possibly the inability to admit their children aren't perfect, or maybe they harbor anger from past experiences in their lives. Hopefully it does come from their love and innate sense to protect their kids, but truly, if it is out of LOVE for their children, they are better off letting their children fall down once in awhile. Just be there and support them in accepting the consequences. From my perspective love doesn't mean preventing your children from experiencing the pain of a bad choice. Love means walking beside them and supporting them down the road of accountability. It means being accountable for your actions.