Saturday, April 25, 2009

Soccer Parents Punished - Poor Sportsmanship Hitting a New Low!

Being your child's advocate means speaking up for their needs, not garnering their 'wants,' or what you believe they want, no matter the cost.

With 100% transparency in mind, FACT: For 7 years I have been a "Travel Soccer" Mom. I have seen firsthand, the many positive and unfortunately just as many, negative, aspects of this particular genre of youth sports.

The entire travel Youth Soccer parent community was recently re-accused of being an over competitive, unsportsmanlike group of people when a story of horrible parenting hit the national newswires.

This is why: The father of a 12 year old soccer player on a Bethesda soccer team in the DC Metro area exhibited completely inappropriate and unsportsmanlike behavoir in response to what he saw as a "bad call" by a parent linesman referee.

The father positioned himeself in the refs face and yelled at the parent ref, saying he made the wrong call. As if that wasn't enough, he also yelled at the ref's daughter saying, "your father should be fired!"

WAGS(Washington Area Girls Soccer)League's governing body decided the team's parents would not be allowed within 100 yards of the playing field for their next two games. The girl's parents attended,100 yds from the field, some with their binoculars.

How did it get to this point? From a game on Saturday and then back to your family and neighborhood friends to this?

Perhaps it's the parents over-investment of time, energy and money; they take off of work, schedule famly vacations around and anchor their lives on the schedule of their kid's travel sports schedule. They are simply too vested in the whole process and in doing so, have created a self-fullfilling prophecy of FRUSTRATION.

Perhaps what is needed, is LESS parental involvement.

There are places in the world where children growing up play with a ball made of grass, in barefeet, or in the streets. Their parents don't tell them to come in and get ready for practice, nor do they monitor their games.

These kids play for the sake of playing. Free from critical eyes pointing out 'mistakes.' Free from constraining rules. Free to be creative and do crazy, silly moves, that one day may be the move all young players strive to conquer...

Maybe we need more back yard ball. Sandlot, peer-type self referring. PERHAPS, kids allowed to play, fall down, have arguments and better yet, SETTLE the argument on their own, won't grow up incapable of accepting a defeat or a mistake and yell at their child's ref and another child.

In 1974 I was 11 and I walked 2 nights a week to our school for softball or soccer practice, then walked home. Never drank a "sports drink," or 'traveled' to a game.

If dad had a lot of yard work, he may or may not make the game - he would always ask, "how'd it go?" maybe, if I looked particularly sweaty, ask if I scored.

From my perspective, I think we need to let our kids be kids. Learn the valuable lessons of being a part of a team, and not place too much emphasis on a game other than having a great time, getting fit and learning a sport.

Actually, let me re-phrase, I think as parents, we need to be parents, not judge and jury at a 12 year old's game, not defender of the team's pride at all costs. I believe our children benefit from seeing us say, "okay, that was frustrating, but thats life, refs can't see everything..." They learn so much more from that simple statement than any sideline antics.

Look closely at your kid, are they happy? Are they having fun? Then be happy. It's enough.

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